To my ex A, this was my point of view.

I had this ex a year and 5 months ago she was my First and First ever long term relationship and throught those times I made alot of decisions I really regret now for I was immature and really had no experience back then and only has a vague knowledge of how a healthy relationship should work. I knew there was suppose to be stage where we get to know each other but that really never happened between us and we got into a serious relationship immediately. Even so through out our relationship I was really open about most things for her and tell her alot of things about me and I would update her whats happening to my day whenever I'm out or doing something. I had this serious flaw tho, whenever I encounter certain problems or something emotionally impactful problems I had the tendancy to push away people even if they're just trying to help. Growing up I never knew how to learn communicate my feelings for I had a broken family. My mother was absent most of my childhood since she was busy being a bread winner and my father meanwhile was busy building a new family with somebody else and would varely visit me and my sibling. So my mother hired my 2nd cousin to take care of me and my siblings. The thing was no one really expected this cousin was abusive and entitled. Me and my siblings had to endure dictationship and physical abuse for 3 full years. If your curious why I never told anyone? I did try to do it once but just thinking about what my cousin will do to me after she finds out I told on her scares me to the point I learned to cope and just bottle up my emotions. Until one day, I just couldnt contain them anymore I exploded infront of all my relatives and told my mother everything she did what me and my siblings went through the 3 years our cousin took "care" of me and my siblings. Afterwards that cousin was never allowed to set foot on any of my relatives house and was completely cut off. I honestly think she derves what she got and I'm happy how it ended up. Yet even after all that and a happy ending for me. Bottling those emotions deeply scarred me. I was afraid. I felt vulnerable. Communicating my feelings was a new experience for me and I wish I told her that before everything fell apart. In the end I would be ghosting her a day, 3 days, a week, till it reach to the point I ghosted her for a month. I dint tell you my story as an excuse I just wanted you to understand why I was like this. There was no day I wish I was mature enough to change myself for the better for you. But all I ever wished for was reciprocation. She barely talk about herself before and I only knew a few interest about her. In my point of view I always felt like she had little trust on me and I never really understood why she wasnt able to tell me anything about her and had me questioning myself if I was not trustworthy enough for her. But that was the problem I made rash decisions I never even actually asked her heart to heart why she was like that, or even gave her assurance. It was always my negligence, lack of knowledge and ability to communicate fault. It always has been me. I gave up on you. Due to this it cost me the love of my life. I hate that I still miss you even after we broke up a year and 5 months ago. It pains me deeply seeing you happy with another person after I just finished improving myself. Life sucks doesnt it. Sucker punches you in the gut when you least suspect it. I just hope we'll meet again someday. I'll hold on to this thin red thread hoping fate will bring us together again. I never knew moving on was this fucking hard. If you ever see this I'll always love you and I will always miss you my love A.

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Mauu Dating January 30, 2025 at 7:30 am 1 0