stupid study

I hate studying. im sure most people do. but i didnt hate studying per se until just recently. i admit i went from As to Ds quite quickly mid semester and quite frankly i dont know why but its a me issue and i was ready to get myself together and just work nonstop on it. that was until my parents got involved. ok parents getting involved in it is natural but taking away my headphones/ phone/laptop (school comp rn) and forcing me to constantly be studying without breaks when 90% of my study resources and half my grade being reliant on the essay im writing up on my laptop is not helping. Its due next week and using the school computers i have not been able to complete the amount of work i need. Plus sleeping on 4 hours a day has made nothing stick to my brain and im constantly tired roaming around like a bloody zombie. Everytime i tell them half of my grade is reliant on that essay on my laptop they just tell me it doesnt matter BECAUSE ITS NOT A STEM SUBJECT AND DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY FUTURE PROSPECT. FYI my parents are convinced they will force me into the medical pathway but frankly as of this moment id rather enlist in the military and go as far away as possible. Im even more annoyed iv applied for a gap year meaning i cant apply til next year because i failed the test first time and they want me to retake that traumatic as hell exam again, fyi an exam which i cried and begged my parents i didnt want to retake. I spent 2 months prepairing for that and failed because my dad had bigger comittments than getting me to my exam site on time, and because i was late. THEY DISQUALIFIED ME. fyi this commitment is GROCERY SHOPPING. I hate the idea of medicine and iv hated ever since my parents said thats what they wanted me to do, every single day i remember how much i hate it and the way my grades look i probably wont even get in which im glad about. But more than that i hate the fact i have to jeoprodize my future for my parents to fucking understand THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT. And even when i do that they seem to only want to control my life more. ANOTHER fyi even before my grades plumetted they refused to let me go out and said i needed to study study study, iv been out exactly twice with my friends over the past 2 years, and theyve even booked a flight to our home country on the day of prom so i cant go (which they explicitly said "friends come and go family forever, its just a waste of money" IV NEVER BEEN TO A PROM BECAUSE ITS BEEN THE EXACT SAME EXCUSE SINCE PRIMARY/SECONDARY/SIXTHFORM. As the days go by I am going insane sat in the same room every fucking day of my fucking life, and frankly i actually ENJOY going to school because it means i dont need to be at home. Because of this stupid trapped feeling i genuinely cannot be asked to work anymore, and atp id rather run away but i have no money either since my parents wont let me go to work anymore. fuck my life.

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Anonymous School February 25, 2026 at 1:29 pm 0 0