stagnated.

freaking tf out rn becuase wdym i just did my three year degree in 3.5 and i still feel like a fucking fraud like i know nothing and ive just wastd my time without actually learning anything bec i always picked the easy way out and now i cant apply for any job without feeling underqualified as fuck and this weird sense of paralysis that stops me from actually putting in any more effort into anything. i keep saying nothing is ever "that deep" anymore even over things that i know past versions of me would absolutely FREAK OUT and lose their mind over. feel like ive lost the "spark" and the "energy" and the "fire" i used to have (or pretend to have). feel like im not as fiesty and as determined as my mom, who gave up so much to make sur i got to where i am and now im just letting her down. feel like all hell has broken loose and im in a terrible place, physically and mentally. can't fucking believe i failed my thesis bro this i sinsane why do i have two dissertations this is making melose my shit. i think i told gabs when i got drunk and i think she fully knows now and im about to cry becuase i spent so much time being the smart one that i dont think i am that person anymore. and i know what to do to become that person again i just feel like i cant be bothered anymore which is horrib;e. becuase my mom was right. maybe i am just fucking lazy like that. who knows. fuck me man.

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no Other May 30, 2025 at 7:54 am 0 0