nothing ever changes

i hate that my future relies on me. i hate that everything ill ever be is dependent on the decisions i make. my future is in my own hands and no one else's, that could be comforting for some but it just feels like a death sentence. because i don't care enough to fix anything in my life. im sure that if i really tried, really put in effort, things would improve. but i never will. so things will never get better. whenever things get bad again i always tell myself "things wont be this way forever" and think of some future a couple years down the line where i live with my husband and were happy together and everything is okay. but i know that itll never come true. none of that will happen because all i do i spend my days waiting for someone, for myself to do something about it. to get myself out of this hole and start taking steps towards a future that really isnt unachievable but i never do. i just wait. i tell myself "if it ever gets to that point, itll be a wakeup call. ill fix it. ill get better" and then it gets to that point, and i do nothing. i wait for something to happen. and nothing ever happens. i watch myself rot and decay and waste away inside the confines of my bedroom hoping things will change. stuck in a constant loop of despair and false hope. nothing ever changes. nothing ever gets better. and i know ill never have the willpower to do anything about it.

---

anonymous Other September 08, 2025 at 7:01 pm 0 0