Need to escape home

I hate my dumb, blind family so much! They're from the communist era Eastern Europe and they're still there mentally. They're painfully simple minded, stubborn settlers who are satisfied with the basics and there's no way to change their minds. Least of all about a certain thing that's very important to me right now (a goddamn fence between our garden and the rear neighbour's who keeps doing triggering stuff). I adore the garden, summer and being outside and I can't enjoy them despite having waited for them for nearly a whole year. I have to exist in my own garden with either turning in a way so I'm facing the street or keep my eyes strictly on the ground so I don't look towards the neighbour garden even by accident because he has a knack for hanging up literally everything and I have a crippling pendulophobia. The funny thing is that it was starting to get better, just a tiny little bit, but this exact neighbour triggered it very badly once during an already stressful time, so it hit even harder. Trauma response on, phobia returned with full force, even worse than before that event. All while my family are just yelling at me, they just keep calling me stupid and bored and that I'm not occupied enough with fruitful things because if I were, I wouldn't have time to worry about the neighbour's triggering shit. I'm so frustrated that they don't get it that I've just beaten myself up so badly that my hands hurt and my thighs and forearms will be covered in bruises by tomorrow. Better than beating their stupid heads up. Because the properties have been without fences for over 40 years and how great the relationship with that neighbour is! Who cares, if it was up to me, I would never even look any of the neoghbour's way. I wouldn't even acknowledge their existence. And I just want to be free of this suffocating, stubborn family.

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anonymous Home June 23, 2025 at 4:11 pm 0 0