my fucking dad

He won't stop. I can't wait to leave and finally get out of this hell hole. I just want to leave. He can never shut his mouth. He only says negative things. All the things he say are all negative, theres nothing positive about this man. I just want to be as far away from him as possible. I hate that i'm his daughter. I wish i never had him. He is just so rude and he even talks about my mom in front of her. I don't know what else to do. I don't want him alive either. Theres nothing more in the world that i want more than peace in this house. I hate his voice, i hate the way he jokes, i hate the way he brings up my past all the time. I only got sober because of my GF not because of him. I should've just kept smoking. I hate that he dictates my life, and that he needs to know what im doing all the time and everywhere. I get that as a parent, especially the city we live in, its not the safest. But i don't understand the need to take my phone as soon as im home. He has my phone charging near him, so that i get never get access to it. I'm going to college soon, what the fuck is going on. He's never been this strict before. And i don't understand why do it now. It makes no fucking sense. I am going to become a young adult, and he's told me before he can't fathom it, which i don't want him to. I refuse to call his phone after i leave. I never want to come back home for the holidays. I hate him. I despise him, but i still care for him. As much as i hate him, i care for him as a human, not as my father. He's disowned me once, and he's never verbally taken me back. He disowned me when i was in Middle school. Thank goodness he never lays his hands on us, however that doesn't excuse the extreme and hurtful words he uses. This is most likely verbal abuse. He is just pisses me off so bad. I understand that the culture that we are in, we are together as a community and thats fine. But controlling what everyone is doing and also just controlling my mom too??? That's too much. He wanted to take my mom's phone for the night and my mom stood up to him. She said that he's not her father and that she's not his daughter. He got so mad at her, he ended up cursing (he does curse sometimes). He wanted power and control in an environment that is build around him. This is frustrating because theres no reason for him to be this controlling. He has his own traumas but thats no excuse to why you should be treating you family like literal fucking shit. I don't understand what his problem is.
We're on spring break right now, and one time my sister and i were cleaning our room. We told him we were cleaning. We slept for a bit because he let us earlier. But then when we woke up we started cleaning our room. We had a lot of stuff and our room is pretty tiny, our mom told us to clear things up and donate whatever we didn't want. So we did just that. My dad comes into the room, and just looks at us. then he slams the door. I'm on call with my girlfriend and she also doesn't understand what his problem is. He is pissed at us because we're cleaning our room? We are literally also in our room, because my fucking dad doesn't let us do what we want to do. When we are with him, he doesn't let us be on our phones, he gets pissed at me if i do my work, he controls what we watch on the TV, he makes us only speak our native language (i get it because we don't want to forget, but he yells at us also if we don't know a word) , he volume of voice is loud and his tone of voice doesn't make it any better. He later said that when we were in our room , he despised us (or something like that) because we were in our rooms. He asked us what we were doing and we told him we were cleaning. So he also brought up that when he say us in our rooms his saw that we were cleaning just like we said. So i don't understand what his problem is.
Our language is a tonal language, there is a lot that goes on with how he says things. He just doesn't care for his words. They hurt. I would never expect him to say the things he says, and the way that he says it. He just also doesn't talk like a friend or a father, so how am i suppose to respond to this. I can't even look him in the eyes or else he'll get mad at me. He also wants to be told when he's wrong or right, but when we disagree he starts to go in a tangent and just rant about everything. Everything wrong with what WE did, and what WE said. It is so frustrating to live with him. I've thought about doing horrible things to him because i can't stand it anymore. I hate this house because of him. The only home i have is my room and my girlfriend who 's there for me.

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Remember Home April 04, 2025 at 11:48 am 1 0