My ex boyfriend is stressing me out.

My boyfriend and I broke up just over 4 months ago. He was my first boyfriend, first proper date, first kiss, first experience. He ended things with me, and I believe it was a lack of communication between the two of us despite what he says. He says that I was too social for him and it made him notice his insecurities more. He told me it wasn't my fault but it's hard to believe that when my personality itself was too much for someone to handle. Anyway, that's beside the point. We broke up and went no contact, a decision he made. He removed and unadded me on every platform and despite going to school together everyday, that was it. No 'Hi, how are you', nothing. I built my peace with that and continued on with my life despite how sad I was about the situation. However, rewinding a little, to just after we broke up but a few days before we went no contact, I found out my sister was depressed and self harming. I was the only one who knew, and even she didn't know that I knew. I didn't know what to do, who to tell, so I did the only thing I knew how to do and message my ex boyfriend. He told me that I need to talk to her and not tell anyone else, and then he opened up to me about how poor his mental health was prior to dating me. It was something we hadn't really discussed in detail and that I do regret heavily. He told me he used to be suicidal and it got really bad. I didn't do what he said. I told my mother about my sister and she got help, saw a therapist and is on medication. My ex boyfriend didn't follow up to ask what I chose to do or anything of the sort and that's fine, I didn't expect him to. So, we went no contact. I went to a party with my friend and hooked up with one of the guys there. Two weeks later, my ex broke no contact. Him and his friends were harassing the shit out of me on Instagram on a random Friday night because I had flipped them off in a snap sent to one of their other friends. After the initial 'get fucked' reaction and conversation, we spoke more generally about how each other had been and he asked me if I was dating the guy from the party. I said no and that it was a distraction. That was the truth. It was a distraction from him. I was still in love with him and had no one to tell, or no way to outwardly project how I felt. The conversation wrapped up with the both of us saying that neither of us are happy but we were both living. That was it. Then I went to a 50th birthday and I messaged him. I'd had a few drinks, not enough to be drunk, but enough to want to message him. I told him I missed him and loved him and he knew I was under the influence. We didn't speak of it again. Fast forward three odd weeks later, and I post a video on dumps tiktok account, to see that he viewed it. I mustn't have removed him when we went no contact and I was surprised he didn't unfollow it either. Naturally, I stalked all his reposts. Depressing. They were all so depressing. Before him and I had every even started dating, I would look through his reposts to see all of these depressing videos. We dated and there was none. He'd always told me I helped him out of a very dark place and 'helped his spark come back'. Seeing all of the depressing reposts again worried me. I broke no contact again and replied to one of them telling him I'm here if he needed to talk. He liked the message and that was it. I continued to stalk his reposts and see the same sad depressing videos, so the other night I responded to one and told him I'm worried about him. He told me he's fine and I shouldn't be but I didn't believe him. I went to bed and woke up in the morning to see 15 or so messages from him. I knew right off the bat it was a drunk spam but it made no sense because he didn't leave the house that night. When I questioned it, he told me he just drunk alone and I checked his reposts to quite literally see 50 more depressing ones. It was horrific. I knew that I had a reason to be worried. I went through my whole day worried, stressed, frustrated, and concerned for him, waiting for him to respond to my questions with no avail. He dryly did and I felt so lost. I know that I am the only one who knows about this bullshit and his friends and family definitely are not aware to the extent that I am. I'm so worried and I don't know what to do. I can't go every day concerned about him and his mental health and not knowing whether he's drinking or not, but I can't base my entire life trying to help someone who may not even want to be helped. It's funny because I promised myself the night before this happened that I was done with him, I looked out the window of my car and thought to myself how his chapter with me has passed and it's time for to move on for good. I guess the universe had other plans. Well, can that same universe please tell me what to do now? I don't want to be pushy, I don't want to overwhelm him, but his responses to my messages are nothing but dry around this conversation. I feel like I need to wait for him to message me or something, but I'm not sure he will. The world has taught me not to expect that i'll be able to change a person, but I changed him once, so can't I do it again? I think that the part of me that thinks that is the part of me that is still in love with him. I care about him a lot, and it would kill me if something happened. When he ended things with me, he told me that I cannot love him because he didn't love himself. Well, now I'm worried that I won't be able to help him if he doesn't want to help himself either.

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Bianca Relationships August 10, 2025 at 2:59 am 0 0