Most people dream of what you’ve got

Pretty much regardless of what it is that you have or don't have in life, there are two things things that are true:

1. You probably want something you don't have

2. You've probably got something that an awful lot of people would like

This isn't a unique position in which to find oneself.

What I do find very unique, Sara, is the degree to which you fail to appreciate the latter part of that with regard to your own situation.

I'm not saying you should never seek to have anything more than you currently do, and I’m not even saying you have to like everything you've got now. Sometimes really good things don't happen to be a good match for a given person.

What I will say is that you have had more fall into your lap through absolutely no effort of your own than a lot of us get if we work for a lifetime. Just because someone loves you.

If it isn't what you want, that's pretty pathetic, honestly, but you have a right to feel how you feel. If you really want to walk away from it, you can. You have that right. You do not have a right to lie about your circumstances, however.

The roof you have over your head is far more than adequate. It is basically brand new and utterly beautiful. You pay absolutely nothing to sleep under it. You are asked to contribute to the household through minor effort, to a lesser degree than is required of most young children. When you fail to do that which is asked of you, there are no ill consequences. At worst, if it happens a few times he might ask if you need help to make achieving the task easier. You are not being taken advantage of or abused in any way. The audacity you show in suggesting that might possibly be the case in any sense is astounding to me. It is a grave offense against the person who loves you. He doesn't cry in front of you because you don't want to make you feel badly for expressing yourself, but he has cried in front of me. I didn't suggest that he ask you to leave because it is none of my business, but you deserve it at this point, in my opinion.

You are provided with absolutely anything you ask. It doesn't always happen immediately, because you are not living with a millionaire, but you lack for no reasonable thing. You have excellent quality food, clothing in good repair that fits your body and your chosen style, and access to health care, personal care, and leisure activities. You pay for none of it and no one complains. He wants you to focus on your education and your health so he makes everything else easier than most ten year olds have it. He knows about your problems with substance abuse in the past and doesn't want you going back to that. He will do almost anything to prevent that. Again, he does not tell you the things which he fears for might make you feel badly, but he is honest with me. He has gone into debt trying to keep you happy and healthy. He wants nothing in return but your respect. He also hopes to have your love, but that is something given freely or not at all; nothing he does is intended to buy your affection. If in the end you have no love for him, he intends to content himself with the knowledge that you're healthier and better educated because of his place in your life, and you are someone he loves so that matters to him. How he is not either a monk or a saint with his attitude, I do not know. But he deserves better than your accusations.

No one is requiring you to stay where you are. There's no trick, trap, or con game involved. And I'm tired of watching his heart break every time you accuse him of bad intentions. If you would rather pay out the nose to live in a dorm room with women half your age, or work your ass off to afford a room somewhere, nobody is stopping you. By all means, in fact, I encourage you to try it. I know smart, hard-working people who wanted to make that life work but couldn't. Frankly I don't think you have it in you, but I'd like to see you give it a try. People learn from failures too.

Anyway in one sense it's none of my business, but in another it is, and I'm pissed off. The guy you're taking advantage of and treating like shit has been my friend for 30 years. He's always been like this. He's a little overly idealistic, but that's no sin. If anything it's what makes him who he is. I just don't want to see you being a little brat over it and shattering him from the inside the way you do.

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anonymous Other August 07, 2025 at 2:59 am 0 0