Living together should not be option #1

Hello, this gonna be a long rant so I'm sorry but of course I am grateful if you manage read until the end. I am also dyslexic so I'm sorry if there are a lot of mistakes.

I'm an open person. If I'm comfortable with you then that means you've gained my trust. But maybe that's a little bit of an over catch. I trust too easily but it depends as well. Currently, I have a small group of friends who I love and wouldn't trade for the world but do I really? More than half of them had hurt me in some ways but it's life, it has to have it's ups and downs. Today, it's about my friend which I'll call her Y. Y(22F) and I(24F) had been close since the start of degree until now. I won't lie, she is a great friend who supports me and i do the same to her. The thing with Y is that she has this habit of complaining and nagging. Now there's nothing wrong with complaining as I do the same but it feels different. She doesn't just complaint about her own problems but does so to others' lives even if she's not involved. She nags and scolds us as if it's something we didn't know and most of the time she doesn't know the whole story.

Y lives with my bf (Ik to some it's sketchy and feels sus for this but I trust them and ik they won't do anything as it's our dynamic so it would be appriciated we don't focus on this) Recently, I have to stay over their house again as my fuse box was broken and I can't use the plugs at all for any electric appliances or gadgets. I used their now guest room since my other friend moved out and had to stay over a month + since I had to collect some money to call the electrician and at the same time, it was a major holiday season in my country. So no choice, I had to wait a little bit longer. I try my best to be respectful as even though we're all friends, i'm still a guest. I have some mental issues but I'm working on it, I try to keep the house clean and wash my dishes and stuff but apparently it was not noticed.

Because of this, it made our friendship more distant. Now, my bf pays fully for the house rental and Y pays for the bills. She would do anything to keep the bills low. Turning off the plugs, wifi, lights, water purifier, not using the ac even if its really hot and etc. I understand her situation but it's a little unfair. She wanted to turn off the fridge as well but thank god she has some common sense. She would banned us for using the wifi even for a few minutes and scolds us for using the lights even if we needed it. I've asked to use the wifi for my assignment but she told me to use my phone data instead. My bf is a uber driver so he's not home often which resulted the bills to come out 36$ and loves to brag about it.

The thing is, currently we are in our internship period. Her job offers her 1K salary meanwhile mine is only 650$ as I had to have unpaid leave every monday since I still have uni classes. Y doesn't have much priorities to pay yet she said she's broke even though she's not exactly. She buys all of these expensive items and original merch yet she complaints and scolds us for not being responsible with our financials. In contrast to me, I have lesser time to relax and have more priorities. I have 2 jobs which doesn't pay that much, trainings (where i'm not allowed to take a hiatus from), uni classes, pets to take care of, transportation fees, my own house rentals and bills and etc.

One day, she came back after our nations' biggest holiday and I received a long text of her telling me the things that upset her. I admit, I did had some faults in it but it wasn't intentional and I've apologized (we reconciled after that but tbh it doesn't feel the same anymore). The things she said hurt me and i felt violated. She even had the audacity to go into my room without permission just to "check" on the condition. I've never even once violated her space especially without permission. I've always respected her as a human and the things that she doesn't like but it doesn't feel like she respects me the way I do. She loves to scold me on everything little thing I do (foods, relationship, friendship and much more). What makes me even more disrespected is that she doesn't act like how she wants us to act as. She's not clean (in fact her room is usually more messier then mine), leaves the lights on when not using it, destroyed my hair straightener/ thights and didn't even paid back, leaves her stuff in the living room and more.

At this point, it's so bad that even my bf resorted in sleeping in his car than being in the house HE paid for. As for me, I am clinically diagnosed with PTSD and other mental issues. I'm already mentally fucked and i don't need more. I lived alone so I didn't have triggers to my PTSD and I was genuinely recovering until I stayed here. It brought back my past self where I feel the need to be cautious of everything, every sound and tip toe around just so I don't make more mistakes. It's not fair that she is able to scold and complain about me but I am not allowed to even tell her about her mistakes. She's very defensive and in the end we all had to just let her win.

If you're wondering about her family situation, then no she has a good family. I wouldn't say the best as she does have certain issues but its better then most. She has a supporting family, often goes back and is besties with her mom. I don't have that privilege. I can't talk to my parents, I can't go back home because I'm too busy and my family is not in great health. Atp, I'm on the verge of giving up as a whole. This year had started off badly until the present and I won't be surprised if it continues.

Not only that, she has a bad habit of holding grudges. She would use it against for years and would even dare to rage "quietly" at us when we are asleep (physically at us, not in her room or mentally btw). She would even try to me her story even more depressing than ours it's just hard. All I could do was become a yes man and a people pleaser in front of her for as long as I'm staying here at least.

Aside from the house part, she has the tendencies to not communcate well but she doesn't want to admit that. There are many times where I've asked her stuff whether it's something important or not, and all she does is left me on seen with no explanation or any apology. I understand that people can't reply fast and that I am not anyone's priority as I do the same as well but I had reasons and I've always apologised. She loves to rant to people but never wants to face the problem or consequences. She even got mad and ranted to me about my own bf. It's funny as well that she also does more than half of the stuff she rants about people but of course, to her it's okay.

There are many more things happened that I would love to rant about but I think I'll stop it here first as it's already quite long. Who knows maybe I'll come back for pt2.

From this, I've made my conclusion that a healthy friendship is where everyone lives separately no matter how close you are.

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x Friends April 13, 2025 at 9:05 am 0 0