Just annoyed at life

Theres is something that happened to me as a child that I am essentially never suppose to talk about; not because it’s untrue, but because I was conditioned not to and even now that I am typing out it’s hard to even write out. To keep this short and sweet demons and agents of darkness really do exist and it genuinely GENUINELY pisses me off. My father’s side have spiritual done things to me over the course of my life, and even though I know God has healed from the ailments and addictions, I still find myself filled with hatred and shame. Now even tho I am healed and God essentially tells you not to dwell on the past, I can’t help it. I feel like my life would have been completely different (Better) if I didn’t go through what I went through. It affects how I form bonds with people, how my relationships workout, and how overall see myself. Though I am healed, I truly struggle to stay sane and keep myself disciplined. I know therapy is the answer, but how you do explain to a stranger who may not be spiritually inclined that voodoo/black magic or whatever you want to call it was used against you at some point in your life. Go see a pastor you may say, but a lot of pastors are not for our Lord and savior Christ if you have not been seeing media regarding random pastors priests etc. I think the hardest part of this is knowing people ain’t shit, but also knowing you can’t do anything about it beyond pray, and trust I have prayed for their deaths multiple times!!!! This whole thing sucks because I don’t really know how to live my life without these thoughts plaguing my mind. Having people who were supposed to, for the most part, “love”, “trust” and “protect” you be the ones doing the most wrong against you. I have been reading the bible, so this all checks out honestly Cain killing Abel; Joseph’s brothers selling him; David’s son trying to steal his father’s throne. Reading the bible from the jump lets you know that the hearts of men are wicked, but It’s genuinely crazy that world could be this evil, and I’m wondering when will God avenge me of my enemies, TRULY!

Like I have accomplished so much and yet I am always succumbing to feeling inadequacy because of my past, and It really sucks!! I struggle to live a healed life, because how does one just erase who they were prior to being healed. Maybe if I can had siblings it would be cool to have someone to relate to on this (and that’s if I could even trust them) but it sucks holding all this in!!! Like it’s just me and my mom, but there’s only so much I care to tell her. Heck she’s gone through more spiritual warfare than me, and was the one who told me! In the beginning I thought these were lies or made up, but nah, too many things have happened for me not to OPEN MY OWN EYES and see that this spiritual shit is real. I just hate that I feel so powerless, tho my power comes from scripture, I guess I hate that it’s not a you-get-everything-you-wish-for -type of thing. Cause if it was up me oh EVERYBODY IN THIS BIH WOULD BE DEAD. LIKE OMG.

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Amomynous Other May 17, 2026 at 10:04 pm 0 0