Inner dialogue rant with outer solutions

I feel like have so much gratitude for everything I have, yet I feel so empty with all of it currently and it sucks ass! I am just in a rut and I need to breakout of it in order to be the change I want to see.


Listing out my hates:

I am grateful to God that I am still employed and making good money per se, but hate that I don’t feel fulfilled from it or happy with my current situation. Its like the political game that goes on in corporate America pisses me off so much that I desperately hate that I can’t just curse out the people that irritate me (i.e my manager) and demand to receive what I want/ respect I deserve.

I love the fact that I am in a relationship again, but feel like I am reaching a point of irritation with my gf that makes me crave my singleness again, and that’s sad!

I love my home, but hate when problems arises, or when the home insurances go up knowing damn well they’ll be useless in time of need.

I also hate that I refuse to improve my relationship with God. Its like I am doing all the same things that I know won’t benefit my relationship with God. So its like I am running in circles thinking that grace is something to toy with

I hate that I currently feel suffocated by things that aren’t inherently a problem, but things that I am allowing myself to be angry about because I refuse to get up and actually do something.

Listing out resolutions:

For my job I can actually sit down and focus on getting the certifications I’ve been wanting so I can have more of reason to leave my current job or pursue a more comforting role within the company whereby the pay and my happiness match up!

Instead of craving singleness I can talk about the situations that currently irritates me with my gf, or even delve further within myself to see of she’s really the problem or I am. I am getting to old to breaking it off with people at every slight inconvenience or when the happy go lucky “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship seems to wear off.

Despite my home having one issue or the other. God has really allowed me to be able to resolve each problem and live here comfortably, so I really need be happy that I can still afford to have a roof under my head especially in a safe neighborhood for the most part.

Improving my relationship with God starts with me, and I can only go as far as I allow myself to go. I put so much pressure on myself about HOW to pray and read the bible that I don’t end up doing anything. I used to read the bible diligently and pray fervently when I knew what I was fighting for, but it just feels kind of lackluster now because I don’t know what I want and it shouldn’t be like that. I need to find a rhythm that flows with my current situation, one that does not feel too stringent or forceful. I also need to the understand that God sees my heart more than anything.

At the end of the day my problems are clearly resolvable, so I really the need GET UP and do the things I need to do!

But as per usual I love using this site as a way to voice my inner thoughts and navigate through them. Cause a mixture of all the above has been causing me to feel more aggravated and theres no need to feel this way!!!

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Amomynous Other April 04, 2025 at 2:00 am 0 0