I wish understanding was easier

i grew up with 2 best friends with autism and adhd (diagnosed). i was middle school when i met one of them (we're in 20s now) and another the friend in high school. at the time, i wasnt even aware of their diagnosis, i just went with the flow with their conversations even if they were both impulsive and very anxious at times about their hyperactivity.

years later i had a falling out with one of them. i took up psychology in uni, and i felt that my experiences living and being with people with adhd would make me more understanding of them because i cared for them growing up.

but recently its been hard to navigate online when most of the people (who, like my exfriend) ask me as a psych student for a "diagnosis" (i was taught not to throw around symptoms willy nilly bc it is known to make people with anxiety or worse, hypochondriacs, anxious about their symptoms and begin to form thoughts about these that they may not be able to process well if they're not equipped with ways to soothe their distress.) i understand that its good to have discussion about mental health, but its really one best with a professional and not with some random person you found online. esp not me because i only have a degree, not a license. and even then, i feel that divulging all your thoughts to a friend is not an easy task for both people involved.

not to mention these people usually are involved in "falling outs" with people, as things happen... but im getting sick and tired of them using their diagnosis as an excuse sometimes. It doesnt help that i end up being a mediator or a confidant to parties involved, so after hearing both sides of a story and somewhat understanding where the fault lies, its becoming hard for me to take people seriously if they would rather blame their wrongdoings on their diagnoses instead. i'm not one to say "i have a friend with adhd who can do better than you, so why cant you?" because i'm aware that everyone is different. but sometimes i wish it was easier to care for people who do things repeatedly and dont take responsibility for themselves (esp considering these friends of mine are mostly adults.)

tldr; i grew up with friends with AuDHD, and i've met friends who have the same diagnoses too. however, its been hard to keep friendships with them because when faced with fault they would rather blame their diagnosis instead of understanding their peers (who also have the same diagnosis). its pissing me off a bit and i wish there was a way i could be more understanding than angry. i hate that people are willing to throw away friendships just because they dont want to be better and understand others who are just like them. i guess thats just life and relationships but man i wish it was easier.

---

,. Friends January 27, 2025 at 7:20 am 1 0