I think I'm catching feelings with my friend

I started to catch feelings with a close friend. We're not best friends, just very close friends. For the past 11 years we've known each other, I never had the thought of liking him. All of our friends are either married, have a partner, or engaged. Only the three of us were left single. I go on a trip once a year with our female friends.

Last 2023, they invited him to join us. During the trip, he kept on putting his arms around my shoulders while standing, or walking. I just kept on dodging or pretending I've got somewhere else to go to. It made me a little uncomfortable. My other friends kept on teasing us, saying "why not try to date each other? Maybe you two are meant to be together." I just answer them "no. I think we'll just keep on fighting every day." He's the type who doesn't get angry easily. He's very kind and caring. However, he doesn't know when to tell jokes and when not to. It makes me angry all the time. It's like he has a switch button for annoying me.

In 2024, he chatted with me and had a deep conversation. He told me what he was going through. It was something really serious and I was one of the 3 people who only knew it. He even started it with "remember the last time I cried to you when I was really down," I want to commend him because not a lot of men can express what they really feel and as someone who's able to let me see him cry. The same year, we went out of town again. Our friends teased us again and I had the same response. I realized, he never responded whenever they tease us. On our first stop over, we were taking pictures together. I was surprised when he grabbed my shoulder to pull me closer to him and held my arm so tightly that I couldn't even move. After taking some pictures, I walked away and pretended I was taking pictures. The whole trip was smooth and fine. When we were driving back home, we were talking about our impressions of our friends. The other one said a lot of good things about him and I can't disagree because they are true. When we were left alone, he thanked me for not telling our friends.
That night, I started thinking about him. After that trip, he just kept on running in my mind. I want to ignore the feelings but I have to acknowledge it to forget about that thought. I can't be in love with him. We're good friends and I don't want to lose him. There are a lot more reasons why I can't be in love with him but it always falls to that one reason to like him. He might not be the man of my dreams, but he takes care of me and always makes me feel safe when we're together.

I just don't know what to do.

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Yu Jae Friends January 01, 2025 at 11:32 am 1 0