I regret detransitioning

I socially transitioned (ftm) for 6 years. I “detransitioned”(moreso just made new friends who don’t know my past) 3-4 years ago after my parents sent me to conversion therapy and I couldn’t handle the transphobia I faced from them.

I wake up and regret it, I see my body and regret it, I think about my future and only when it strikes me that I will only ever live as a woman do I feel pain. I have a great boyfriend who I want to marry, but how do I tell him? I don’t want to be a woman. I hate it. I hate that I can’t just be who I am on the inside. I want a body that matches me, I want people to see me as me, I don’t want to be seen as a girl. Sometimes I am able to ignore it, I will go for weeks on end simply forgetting that I am being perceived as a woman. It’s never been as bad as it is now, seeing people in relationships and knowing I’ll never be the man. I’ll never be called a boyfriend. Even partner would be fine. I just HATE being a girlfriend, and the idea of being a wife or a mother disgusts me. It’s only when I imagine myself being called dad does it make me want to have a family. Why can’t I be strong enough to tell him? Why can’t I be strong enough to tell the world? FUCK! This body, this mind, it makes me upset!!! I’m not a girl in any aspect but my body. I often forget as I dress as masculine as I want to but then sometimes I remember, I remember I look feminine, I sounds feminine, and I cry and cry and cry. The worst part it I’m an adult and I still feel like this. I feel like I’m back in high school with gender dysphoria, but now no one knows but me. Please just see me!!!!!!

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anonymous Other December 12, 2025 at 2:42 pm 0 0