I hate my job

So I started this new job last summer and when you live where you work, it's really hard!

For context, I work in ResLife - and boy when they say turnover rate is high they are not kidding. Ever since I got this job I feel like I have hated my life more and more. The issue is that I need it to help me graduate and I can't afford to live off campus.

aNYWAYS, in my position I supervise RAs. I have been lucky enough to build connections with a couple of them, however sometimes I think a few hold a grudge or a side eye with me because of something I did in the past (although I have apologized for it).

I have a cograd and she has been here a year longer than me. All of the RAs really like her and (in my opinion) favorite her more. The issue I have is that my cograd is one of those fake nice people that no one can see right through. For example, one of her RAs was thinking of transferring buildings and my cograd told to me "They shouldn't even be an RA anymore, I am not approving that transfer". The same RA a day later was talking about how good my cograd was and how she should win 'grad of the year' without knowing what she has said behind her back. Even our supervisor, she has explained how she doesn't like her but upfront she keeps up this 'nice' image. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I don't tend to add to the conversation. There is even another grad in which she is 'friends' with but they don't know behind her back she has said some of the most awful things about them. Because I am more new to the role, I feel bad when I mess up a lot. Hearing how she talks about other people I get worried she does the same for me. And it stresses me out that everyone looks up to her and favorites her when they don't know truly how she is behind the scenes. And I have a hard time speaking out too about what she has said because I don't want to start drama on the team (thus ranting it here).

And here's another thing, in the beginning of the fall semester when I made a mistake, she did not offer help, support, or any guidance. I pitched a (lousy) idea of an icebreaker/game that did not sit well with people and my 'team' let me run with it without giving me any advice. I felt like I was set up to fail. After I had to take the full blame for the lousy idea of a game, my cograd looked like a goddess to the RAs because she didn't help me set it up or be a part of it (but she also did not say no to my lousy idea and let me run with it!)

I've just been so stressed out being here and been trying my best and I feel like that still isn't good enough. I went on an apology tour and I feel like I am still paying for mistakes I have tried to correct. Some of the RAs (the one's I offended at the time in particular) they don't really like to look at me, or talk to me still. I have apologized to them even individually. I've tried to make small conversations, go to their events and support them, I even covered a duty shift for one. But I feel like none of that have helped and I would like to build a connection with them. I know it may never happen, but it genuinely upsets me that they are potentially still impacted from the hurt that I caused last semester and I wish there was a way to fully repair that relationship - especially since we just got off on the wrong foot (and I had no guidance or support from my team).

I am also worried that the RAs I have connected with tend to offend other RAs by the words that they say. I do inform them to not say certain things but it sounds like they don't really care. I feel like I am just doing an awful job at upholding educational conversations and holding accountability. This job honestly stresses me out so much, I feel like I am never doing the right thing and that my mistakes are big (to me)

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anonymous Work January 23, 2026 at 2:22 pm 0 0