Grieving and needing

I’m now 21 first birthday since my mum died. You know it’s funny I caught myself walking in her bedroom calling her thinking she’ll be led in bed. It’s been a few months since she’s passed still catch myself phoning her. I think in some way she knew her time was coming she booked a trip for us I thought it was so random as she’s not one to travel today was the day we was meant to go. I know she’s gone but part of my brain can’t accept that. There’s still so many questions and answers is forever be searching for from her, it feels like she’s just laying in bed, why did she die? I knew something was wrong when I noticed she was laying in bed nearly all day she was already taking tables for her arthritis, heart, swollen legs, high blood pressure, depression. I just want to be in her arms. I can’t take her roll I’m trying my best I’m cleaning up I’m making the family food my money I earn goes to my sister. The death have all changed us but I can’t be the mother of the house I feel like I can’t breathe I’m really trying, I still had things I wanted to tell her I just wasn’t brave enough now I’d never get to tell her, I feel so lost and alone I just want to cry in someone’s arms I can’t do this I still need a motherly figure I can’t be the one.

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Anonymous Other May 06, 2024 at 6:05 pm 1 0