fucking feel like a failure

they say education is the key to success but what if it isn't. i'm not inclined to studying (i am only saying this because i got terrible grades for my exam) .(my statements will contradict). i dont even know what i will be doing in the future. like at school i already feel ashamed and then she's going to add to the burden. i am annoyed (i am glad she isn't like other parents who do not give a single damn about their education) i am afraid she will text my tutors about my grades and she said she will scold them( scold for what bruh i alr know what he's going to say) then later more embarassment (i want to run away from my problems)

i seriously wish i could dig a hole and just bury myself because i seriously feel that there is no successful future for me anymore. i look at my peers and i feel so much rage and jealousy at all their accomplishments. even my grade for maths and english is decreasing. i had to write an essay about friendship and i was stuck on that question for so long. does that make me a bad person??? am i a bad friend????? i haven't had good experiences with friends for so long that everything seems abnormal to me. i am shy and scared of asking for help. i did not do sufficient homework and im left trailing behind trying to keep up with homework because i procrastinate often. i am even procrastinating my accounting homework right now. this habit has been my achilles heel and it will only get worse in the long run.

i am still fucking angry because most of my accomplishments were just fucking copied. i regret joining the student body because of the teacher advisors. i'd rather have a chill day and focus on my work. i blame my ex-boyfriends' for inducing unneeded and unappreciated emotional distress. i am not in a good headspace right now.

one thing that i noticed is when bad thoughts swirl in my mind, they tend to takeover my whole day. i seriously get distracted. you may say i am weak. yes i am. i admit. i am weak. but i don't have anyone that i can talk to. one of my coping mechanisms is to forget.i 'forgive' people easily because the hurt did'nt feel as strong.

i hate everything. i wish i could be validated. i know i need to be put in my place. there are several reasons and excuses i could give but none of them would even excuse why i am the way i am. compared to others

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anonymous School June 11, 2025 at 10:33 am 0 1