Every fucking day there's a new problem

I am trying to help. I am trying to build a good relationship with the person I love. I love him, I decided I'm going to choose him forever, I want to make him happy. I'm trying to help him become healthier and happier.
Every day is a backslide. His pharmacy didn't prescribe enough meds so he's in a depressive state and won't come out of it until his new ones kick in for probably another month. I've been trying to help him learn to communicate and be comfortable with sharing his problems and now I'm finding out he's been ignoring his problems and using the medication to suppress them enough to "not bother me" with them.
He went to a new PCP and got test results. He has issues with food (old eating disorder, psychological issues with different textures/tastes) so I've been working on trying to help him eat healthier and cut out sugars and find an exercise passion. I wrote "we've" been working but deleted it because I don't feel like it's "we", I feel like it's me and what, he stopped drinking full sugar sodas? What else? He got test results today for high A1C and LDL and now is too depressed to eat. I was just riding joy from doing a really good job grocery shopping and specifically finding things he CAN eat and enjoy and fuck me I guess. We were supposed to go to dinner tonight for a weekly discount thing. I don't think we're going to that.
I get that he's suffering. But I'm suffering trying to keep him afloat. I feel like all I get is complaints. I put out cherries for him (one of the few fruits/veggies he can eat) and he just texted me "these aren't good cherries, they're kinda ass". I asked for him to give me affirmation that I did a good job when he came home. No, he's in a bad mental place so I got literally nothing. I don't feel loved. I feel depended upon. I know he says he loves me. But he talks about "earning" my love so I feel like his understanding of love is transactional. That he loves me because I've done things for him, not because of who I am or IDK, anything comparable to my reasons for loving him.
When he's happy, things are great! I love seeing him so full of joy and passion. But when he's depressed everything is miserable and awful. I'm so frustrated and sad and I'm just crying in my room with no idea who to talk to. He's insecure about my relationship with my other partner (we're poly, maybe that just doesn't work for him? but then that makes me think about us having to end our relationship and that makes me miserable) so I feel guilty about even talking to my other partner about what's going on.
I asked for him to close my door (so I could cry) and he went "ok I know you're going to call him" and left. I wasn't going to call him. Iw as going to fucking cry about how my partner is miserable and I keep trying and trying and I feel like he's 4 feet from giving up at all times while I'm trying to drag us forward. I don't want to put my issues with him onto my other partner. I just want to tell someone and get a little comfort for how hurt I am.

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anonymous Relationships May 20, 2026 at 8:19 pm 0 0