Childhood Trauma

As a small child my father used to beat me and my brother, My brother got the worst of it since he acted very feminine. This has resulted in me having very little feelings of self worth, and also resulted in me having very poor social skills. I shut myself off from the world and felt unloved and undesired, If my own father doesnt care about me then how could anyone else? This unfortunately compounded on itself, as i grew up without talking to other kids as much i entered adulthood with very little social skills and nonexistence conversation skills. All of my relationships have ended due to me not being able to communicate at a nominal level. I received no praise as a child, and was constantly insulted for anything, because of this I am constantly seeking validation as I never received any growing up. Just want to be told by anyone that I'm good enough. That I make them happy, Unfortunately I have yet to find the positive attention I seek. Constantly get my flaws pointed out even by people I'm in a relationship with (Which as i mentioned earlier, the relationships end shortly due to my flaws)

I have yet to tell anyone about any of this, as I don't want anyone to believe that I want them to pity me, and I definitely don't want anyone to actually pity me, also i feel that telling someone I'm close to would just scare them away, and I don't want someone to treat me better just because they know the real reason behind why I am who I am, I wish my personality by itself was just good enough for someone

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anonymous Other May 31, 2020 at 4:30 am 0 0