burntout

hi there i am completely exhausted and burntout so i'm writing this post, anyone with advice or who relates feel free to comment lol.
I am 19 years old and currently on a gap year in Australia which i started 9 months ago a few months after i turned 18. i work full time in a boarding school which i live in, due to the fact that i am a gap works and live in the school i get paid a very small amount of money, much less than anyone else who works there. these past 9 months i have noticed that i do a lot more work than those who get paid more than me, even those in one of the highest positions and more often than not i am being given their responsibilites despite the fact that i am the youngest, a gap worker, and paid the least. i have one worker, who is much older than me, has worked here for about 2 years, is in the highest position in the team and gets paid a hell of a lot more than me. she is the type of person who constantly talks shit behind peoples backs but will act nice to your face, calling you 'darling' and shit like that. what she does do, though, is constantly complain when something is wrong and pretend to be doing work when she's not, she will constantly ask me to do things, 'can you clean that' or 'can you make sure the girls do this' 'can you take this downstairs' stupid things like that, constantly, and if i happen to forget one of the 50 things she asked me to do she will yell my ear off. she is not my boss, she is not the one who hired me and more often than not she actually goes against what our boss tells us to do and whenever i try and tell her she's not supposed to do something she goes off at me for questioning her because she is in charge of me. because she is honestly an incompetent worker and constantly sits around on her phone doing nothing i am often given tasks to complete, something that is not meant for my role. i am also very often chose for extra tasks, things important to the school like visiting other schools, greeting new students, things that should be done by someone higher up, and i am not paid more for these things. i was rcently told its because im so friendly. that did not make me feel better, it just made me feel tireder. why does being friendly mean i have to do extra work, should i start being unfriendly to escape extra unneeded work. i am nearly at the end of my time here, i have only three weeks left until i leave, but the stress has just spiraled to an unmanageable level. i have work tomorrow and i just feel dread, the kind of dread where honestly death feels preferable. i just want everything to stop, i feel so fucking numb and so fucking tired in this job i can't even organise my thoughts or think properly anymore. anytime i have time off i just sit there numbly unsure what to do with myself, i feel so tired and so stressed i can't cope. i am in the process of trying to pack and clean my room and send all my stuff home while balancing work and the fact that there are mulitple issues occuring back home on the over side of the fucking world. i feel that everything has become unmanagable and while i am not currently actively suicidal i find myself not put off at the idea of dying. i have no plans to kill myself but if i did not wake up tomorrow morning i would be quite happy. i hardly get any sleep as the job requires an early start and a late finish meaning 8 hours maximum sleep is avaliable and that is only if i immediately fall asleep the second i'm off the job (if i am even able to finish on time which does not happen often), as someone that suffer with sleep issues already this is not possible. i know my problems are not that severe and im complaining about nothing but i have no one to tell all of this to, no outlet to let this all out so here i am. there is only three weeks left and i should be able to hold out until then but i am just so tired. i've never felt so tired in my life. this isn't even just me being a bitch about working a full time job, i worked full time before this position. hell, when i was in my final year of highschool i volunteered each afternoon on top of studying and then worked the weekends, but its this job that has broken me.
i can't stand the idea of going to work tomorrow. the worst part is i'm not even motivated by the idea of going home since things have changed so much since i left and i know it will be horrible. i just want everything to stop.

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starling Work February 18, 2025 at 5:27 pm 1 0