Always 1 little thing that ticks me off

I don't think I'm selfish. I think I just want everything to be fair and square around my environment, especially at home. And ESPECIALLY, if it's about food.

I don't know where this nagging and constant need to equally share food came from. Homemade foods? Fine, eat all you want, I don't care. But treats that mom brought home? Fast food that mom delivers home? It needs to be divided equally among us. That, or I'll go fucking insane.

Genuinely, why am I so controlling about this specific thing? Why is it easy to anger me if one member of the family takes more than what they should get?

Just earlier, it pissed the hell out of me when my sister gave her friend coke. Her friend who, by the way, came in our house suddenly. My sister and her stayed in my room, and I didn't even had a say in it.

And NOW, she gives one of the 3 cokes to her friend that our mom ordered for us to celebrate our academic achievements. We are 3 siblings. 3 cokes for 3 siblings. Not 3 cokes for ONLY 2 SIBLINGS AND A FUCKING FRIEND.

I DONT CARE IF THIS SHIT IS SELFISH! BECAUSE I DONT THINK THIS COUNTS AS SELFISH AT ALL! Fuck my sister and her friend. That isnt how shit works in here.

Mind you, the delivery was fucking scarce to begin with. It was supposed to only be for the 3 of us. But one more thing that fucking makes me want to explode is my mom forgetting to account for other members in our house. While it may be that my mom only thinks about us 3, in reality, there are 5 of us in our home excluding my mother. Those additional two? My grandparents.

Look, my mom i can say, is a selfish one. We, as her kids and as the grandchildren, try to share what our mom gives only the 3 of us to our grandparents. Which makes it all the more frustrating.

Why do I have to fucking take account of other people when I just want to motherfucking eat in peace? With my own burger, my own fucking fries, and my own fucking coke. Now, one burger gets to be half. A coke gets to be half full. And fries are unequally getting devoured by whoever the fuck get their hands on it first.

ITS MAKING ME WANT TO FUCKING THROW SHIT OUT OF THE WINDOW. BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR. NONE OF THIS IS FAIR TO ME, AND TO ALL OF US. WHY DO I HAVE TO NITPICK MY FUCKING FOOD JUST TO BE NICE TO EVERYONE AND MAINTAIN THIS "HAPPY FUCKING FAMILY" DISPLAY?! MY MOM HATES MY GRANDPARENTS, WONT GIVE THEM SHIT. SO NOW MY GRANDPARENTS THINK ABOUT HER, ME AND MY SIBLINGS AS SELFISH WHEN ITS ONLY MY MOM WHO PROVIDES TO ALL 5 OF US.

And as I think about it. I just realized. You know what? This is selfishness. But the thing about this kind of selfishness? I don't think its a bad thing to think of. In fact, I think this is a valid source of another shitty thing that contributes to my stress.

Its over. My day is ruined now. The food she sent to us doesnt make me feel satisfied. It makes me feel angry. So angry im afraid my flesh would pop out of my own fucking skin. Mom. Youve raised a child as selfish as you. And I feel shitty about it. I feel shitty about you inadvertedly forcing us to become selfish. I hate you as much as I love you.

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anonymous Other February 21, 2025 at 7:30 am 0 0