why

why? why do you have to ruin everything? is your life mission to make me as miserable as possible? i don't understand. i haven't done anything. i have never deliberately tried to hurt you. never. and yet you go do this. i remember when we used to have so much fun together. you'd put a bubble wand in front of a fan and give me one action i could use to pop as many as i could. i became a karate master that day, and that inside joke stuck for years. or when we painted the old play structure together. i was probably more troubling than helping, being so little, but you let me help anyway. i remember taking selfies together, me riding on your shoulders, feeling on top of the world. i remember when we were family. i remember when i smiled and asked you questions i knew you didn't know the answer to. i remember when i gave you a myriad of nicknames, but nothing ever came close to the classic "papa." and then i wonder where it all went wrong. this year has been the worst year of my life. i wonder endlessly why you have chosen now of all times to show how little i mean to you. years ago, you'd run to me, cooing, when baby me cried. tried to make me feel better no matter what. i spilled made you spill tea on yourself and you only laughed and comforted me when i started crying. yesterday would mark three months since you changed. i cried every night and you did nothing. late 2023 and early 2024 is the happiest i have ever been in my life. i do not believe i will ever be as happy. never. you took it from me. just like you took my future to better your own. just like you took all the love i poured on you and threw it out the window. i hate you. i love you. i beat myself up for hating you but it kills me that i love you too. i wish i could walk through a time machine. 4/02/2024. i finished my band concert and
ah fuck. lord. just when i was calming down writing this. it's not just you, neither of you will ever let me be happy, huh?

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anon Relationships May 05, 2024 at 8:37 pm 1 0