SKINNY PEOPLE DONT GET IT

i genuinely have struggled with my weight since i was in like middle school. my mom had shit eating habits and that rubbed off on me. my sister was naturally skinny then had an eating disorder so she was extra skinny on top of that. my mom is also intensely fatphobic and hated herself and did everything she could to make sure i wasn’t also fat or something which didn’t help anyone but whatever. i was never like fully obese but i was up there for a while. i had a crazy comeback after covid and got down to a decent weight then it went back up. i got really sad about a month ago and started thinking about it more and ive been cutting back but i have no one in my life who i can talk with about this because my mom is horribly toxic and i dont talk to her anymore, my sister has never been even close to being not skinny, my dad is emotionally unavailable plus i dont want to talk to my dad about my body issues. that’s weird. my boyfriend is a fucking twig who always overeats but manages to never gain weight. i’ve also tried to tell him in the past but he just told me to love myself and just simply do better for myself which isn’t helpful. the only person in my life that isn’t a twig are people i’m not close enough to to talk about that and skinny people who have never been big really do not understand at all. all the social media accounts that are about “body positivity” are just skinny girls sitting slouched and saying “Love your fat rolls!” like fuck off those aren’t fat rolls. that is your skin. fucking stupid. i’ve been doing a calorie deficit and i have such little self control that i eat way too much in the morning and then im so fucking hungry before i go to bed but i don’t want to eat because 1. i already ate all my calories for the day and 2. i don’t want to eat so soon before bed because then my body won’t digest and i get fat again. i’ve been listening to my stomach screaming at me since i got off work two hours ago and all i want to do is eat a full meal but i can’t and im hangry and i have zero energy and i feel like shit but i don’t want to tell any of my loved ones that i feel like shit or why cause they’ll say i’m being “unhealthy” when i reality im just not doing the things these skinny ass mfs are able to do because i don’t have the metabolism to be able to eat without becoming a fucking lard. i know fat isn’t ugly but my fat is ugly. i’ve seen many overweight folks who are gorgeous and handsome and shit but the way my fat sits just is awful and horrible and i’m a disgusting piece of garbage who is just taking up space that i shouldn’t be taking up because ALL THE SOACE IS BEING TAKEN BY MY FAT

FUCK ME
FUCK THIS
FUCK BEING HIMAN
FUCK BEING ALIVE
WHY IS LIFE HARD
let me also say i love living i don’t want to die i just want to look and feel good which seems to be impossible to do both

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anonymous Body December 28, 2024 at 10:10 pm 1 2