My mother

I don’t know where to start.
My mom is sometimes my favorite person and the other times, she is my greatest fear/enemy(enemy makes it sound softer than it is, it’s just that I hate her to the point I would rather disappear from this world than hear another word from her).
I know I should be grateful for everything she’s done for me like giving me food, shelter, and clothing and I’m pretty sure I’m more spoiled than others.

However, the problem started when she told me that I was prettier than her and she wished she was born with my face. It sounds nice from a glance but I soon found out she has major body image issues from since she was little when she was verbally abused by her own mother(aka my grandmother). I may have received this compliment better if I was older but I was around 8 at the time where I had thought the prettiest person in my life was my mother. I felt very conflicted and sad to see how “human” my mother was. I obviously know that my mother is a human, but when I was at that age my mother was a role model that I looked up to and seeing how “weak” she looked filled with jealousy and an inferiority complex in her eyes crashed her seemingly “perfect” image.

This is a different story but when I was 9, she told me and my twin brother how she hates my dad and only married him because her ex boyfriend died of a car accident and he was her only choice. She cried while talking to this, expressing how she thought we would understand her feelings as we were at a “mature” age. I was nine years old. She (indirectly) asked us to comfort her for the incident(of her being miserable by being seemingly “forced” to marry my dad and her ex boyfriend tragically dying). Mind you my dad isn’t abusive or anything he’s like the greatest father and husband you can ask for. I felt as if she thought of me and my brother as equals rather than her daughter and son. It was an uncomfortable feeling. The image of a seemingly happy couple shattered. The respect, admiration, and trust that I had for my mother was gone too. I honestly would’ve rather had my parents get a divorce than continue seeing my mother continue shit talking about my dad to us.

This got worse when I found out she was cheating on my dad with someone. When she first introduced him to me and my brother, I didn’t know my mother was having an affair at the time, but I had a gist of what was going on. I was convinced when I accidentally saw her texting him with affection and having late night calls on countless occasions(I honestly don’t want to get into it).

She also takes everything I say negatively. I’m a teenager now and we often go shopping together for clothes. Whenever I tell her that she should reconsider getting a certain item(let’s say a shirt because it doesn’t suit her) she breaks down when we get home telling me how I’m always denying her opinions and ideas. I try to convey my opinions without disrespecting hers, but she tells me that I should stop forcing down my opinions for and again “denying everything she says”. For me, I really don’t mind her getting whatever she wants even if I say something and I tell her that but she simply ignores me and refuses to continue on with the conversation.

Whenever we get into these arguments, I want to tell her what I feel about her actions and everything, even the fact that she’s a cheater, but I’m too scared my dad and my brother(especially my dad) will hear about this negatively and lose his happiness feeling betrayed about everything. It’s the truth so it might be better to let it all out but this is one of the only places to get this information out of my head that I currently feel safe enough to. My situation is probably better than most people out here and I hope everyone gets their own happiness in the end. I honestly feel words cannot express enough and I sometimes feel like I would rather not have been born with the kind of mother I have. I don’t want to get too political but I hope every mother all over the world has the ability to choose abortion since not everyone should become a parent.
Thank you for reading if anyone is, and thank you for the people who have created this website.

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anonymous Home August 06, 2024 at 7:56 am 1 1