It's PTSD, not Overthinking Dumbfucks

I have clinically diagnosed PTSD, and some therapists have gone as far as calling it "treatment resistant" due to all the treatment that's been forced on me. Anyway, shit is always playing in my head. A lot of people say I have a photographic memory, but my brain also doesn't let shit go. That's why the trauma has so much power over me, and shit like CBT isn't good enough. Trying to reprogram thoughts can be like arguing with someone who refuses to reason or a brick wall. Eventually it breaks you the fuck down. You can't just ignore that shit either because it will be heard.

But people act like this is something I can easily turn off. I'm just doing it for fun or some shit. Why the fuck would anyone want to be like this? I can't keep a job because it's physically draining being around just about anyone for 8 hours a day if not longer. When I was trying to maintain a job the shift didn't matter because I'd immediately go to bed. Wasn't always like that. In school I had a ton of energy after I got home. I'd do my paper route and then go skateboard. Shit changed when the football team decided they were jump me for not talking to a cheerleader.

Ever since then my energy has been sapped from me. This shit is taxing emotionally and physically. The cortisol the stress helps create is why dieting and exercise only does so much for weight loss. I can leg press over 700 lbs x 10, squat over 400 lbs x 10, bench press 215 lbs x 10, and dead lift like 340 x 2. Last time I tried anyway. Didn't really break a sweat on any of that stuff, but due to my PTSD you wouldn't see it.

Yet no one gets it and even worse seems to think it's a minor problem or it's funny. It's neither. It's the sort of shit that causes T2 diabetes or drives someone to an early death. It isn't the work of Social Workers or Clinicians alone to fix it either. It's on people who claim to give a damn about equality, mental illness, and so on to also step in.

But I'm yelling into the void cause no one cares. It's all cute and shit.

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anonymous Body February 14, 2026 at 3:29 pm 1 0