And I can. I am able to do so. I see a world of people wanting things; most things received ugh, sorry. I'll change my speech patterns. When you get something you didn't work for you don't appreciate it. Anything you didn't spill your blood for is a "Poisoned chalice."
I would not expect anyone to take my word for it. We live in a world where we are force-fed the desire to want things. It is nobody's fault. We live in a world of poverty. When you don't have enough of what you NEED: you begin to want everything NOW. There are endless coping mechanisms to consolidate the disparity between what you see others having and you having so much less. It seems unfair?
I have starved. I am getting a degree that will pay out! I want to be filthy rich; so I can give people things. So I can create environments where people can grow. I want to start businesses to give people jobs. I want to create places for youth who are going through the HELL I did, to have an outlet. I want to give everyone a chance if I can. I believe that I can. Everyone deserves that so much :( everybody deserves something they can be proud of. I had a couple of things and I am very lucky. Many are not.
In many areas, people have very few choices in life. They get FORCED into gangs: there is no such thing as a bad person. A friend of mine was studying psychology and she was writing a thesis on how horrific circumstance bred sociopathic mindsets. We stopped talking and I don't remember why: probably because I'm an annoying wind-bag lol. I wish I could read it. I hope she didn't get murdered in Columbia.
I see my government: the USA circle-jerk as a bit of a joke. They raise minimum wage; which raises inflation. People think they are getting more but larger numbers don't mean you are more rich. In some countries: 1 us dollar is 1000 dollars. I'd be a millionaire in some countries! Woo, a shortcut to being a wanker who counts his chickens before they hatch.
I truly believe in the invisible hand. It's a concept; not some fantasy wank thingy. I know if I get rich enough I will be able to effect change in the lives of far more people. I love everyone: even those who would call me an enemy. I'm not some rube with a PHD in theology; who wanted to bring the disenfranchised to what he saw as a safe environment. He was a member of a group of people who started a heroin epidemic in a safe quiet place; somewhere tucked away from all of the evils of the world. But, now those people are aware of them? I am conflicted but like.. Why not bring goodness instead of spreading horror? Is it all just more butter on toast?
Ultimately all anyone can do is what they feel is best. Or give up and live in a spiral of blaming others and ignoring their own faults. I am staring at a couple of my faults right now: I LOVE DRUGS OKAY! But like, I am fighting to take 6 months off. It will be easier soon; in a new place. A place with less horror. I've seen people die here. I have never killed anyone mind you; but like.. I am vanilla compared to the stories I've heard from others. I can't help any of these people in the state I am in. and I cannot bear to see much more of this shit; and this isn't even the worst place out there!
There are countless genocides happening in the world. There is blood flowing in countless pock-marked regions of the earth and people won't shut up about the new fucking Iphone or whatever stupid fucking thing they were told was important. Whatever fucking meem that makes them feel less shitty about their lives. Whatever simplistic distraction that only delays them from growth and wastes our finite time. I am staring at my distractions; I'll have a sip and a smoke.
there we go. I'm glad my distractions keep me somewhat active. Even if they are slowly killing me. I still don't believe I will die; not out of ignorance or madness. My name will remain invisible I hope.. but I don't see any end to this life. I refuse to fear death or to consider what comes after because none of that matters.
I can simply keep on moving until I am unable. Then I will sleep. I just hope I can find someone to burn this corpse I ride on a mountain when it expires: i really don't want to stay in this purgatory most call life. I know there is more. I've died before and I feel I've seen it. I've lived and I've died a thousand times; probably more. You sound insane dude! End this shit now
anonymousRelationships January 28, 2020 at 1:00 am02