i’m lazy

i struggle with doing housework & keep getting distracted on my phone. at work i’m on my feet all day doing things but something about this house makes me feel scared and stuck. i’m always scared someone is going to walk in and idk what’s the worse that could happen, i’ll be cleaning and singing and be ridiculed ? i’ll be caught looking ugly? so my fear makes me hate the visitors that pop in unannounced but really a part of me is creating this experience and something has to change in the way i see myself ? i know neutrality will help me through. all day ive been scared to get those visitors and it’s driven me to do things that i wouldn’t otherwise do if i was comfy in my house. i feel so paranoid it doesn’t feel good. my dream life is me being a full time artist, smiling and laughing on a comfy ass beautiful carpet, being healthy n stacked from working out, feeling amazing , clear, beautiful, grateful for the blessings in my life. i can say my personality for the last few years is being outgrown with awareness. i am addicted to the pain and suffering & discomfort that has been my experience so far and im trying to be aware of the habits that keep me stuck in this cycle. i want to believe i am beautiful, worthy of happiness no matter the external circumstances, i want to dance n be free, have spiritual experience, do dream work n meditation, make art that others resonate with, live so raw that there is no room for regrets. i want to express my emotions so i can heal them. im even scared to wash the dishes in the kitchen bc ill be leaving my room lol but of course it feels so stupid saying that out loud. at work , i don’t care if im seen picking my nose by customers and i love being outside but why when im at home i feel so stifled, so put down by myself. i want to let go of it. i want my nervous system to freakin relax and work for me not against me. as of right now, im going to try my best to fight these habits. have compassion for myself , be in flow with life, dance, make art, n let neutral alignment take the forefront, recognizing old patterns as the my arise.

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bri Home November 24, 2024 at 4:11 pm 0 0