I HATE Phoning Customer Service

I'm not often a violent person. However, being put on hold while calling customer support makes me see red. I've spent far too long in my life on hold to my bank's customer support. All because of one stupid $20 transaction six months ago. I guess I should be thankful their fraud safeguards are so strong that even *I* can't access my funds. God forbid their "travel account" allows you to buy something from an airport. But no, shut it down, shut it all down. Lock the gates, swallow the key, then immolate yourself. Make sure the key is warped and deformed in your own smoldering ashes.

Hold music must be what plays in hell's elevators. It has violent volume swings between mouse ASMR and jet engine ready for takeoff. Any unique melody or rhythm is stripped out by compression more intense than a lead brick being dropped on a marshmallow. The people on the other end of the line could not give less of a shit about my problems, maybe rightfully so. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm being passed around like some cheap whore. The obsession with resolution times has gone so far that they've forgotten to actually resolve the problem altogether. It's a victorian torture treadmill of numbskullery and dumbfuckery. Hitting your head on every step you take forward or sideways. Don't you dare think of hanging up or you're back to square one.

The single most infuriating part of this labyrinthine system of phone calls? In the end all your problems are solved so easily and quickly. One person, just one measly person, needs to give enough of a shit, or have enough understanding, to click the button that solves your problem. And then... Poof, it's gone. My anger recedes to a pit of hatred at the back of my mind, which I usually reserve for bad drivers and people with screaming babies on airplanes. If I have to, in the next decade, spend another hour on the phone with my bank's customer support. I will crawl out of that pit and smash my own head against my phone so hard it will shatter into a million pieces. The worst part is that breaking my phone like this will still be better than being forced to listen to their hold music one more time.

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Jeff Computers December 31, 2025 at 11:52 am 1 0