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I HATE MYSELF

I HATE MYSELF

WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? YOU DON’T GET TO CALL ME FAT THEN ASK WHY I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER! YOU AREN’T TO PRETEND YOU CARE FOR A DAY THEN FUCKING ABANDON ME ALONE. IT’S BEEN A FUCKING YEAR SINCE I STARTED, I WAS THIRTEEN AND YOU STILL DIDN’T CARE! I wonder if you’ll care if I end up dying from it or will I still just be the fat ugly sister. I will never be loved by anyone just as you said. Don’t worry I believe you. One day we’ll say goodbye so at least love me now, please.
LE Body February 14, 2020 at 3:48 am 0
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I had an eating disorder when I was 12. I wish I could comment more but mine was mostly unconscious. I was extremely depressed. I had no mother or father and my guardian came out as gay by moving someone in. They started to party and drink and it wasnt really a family atmosphere anymore. No dinners etc anymore. It was a time where that sort of thing was still hush hush and the fact I had never even heard of it before was hard. I was just starting to like boys and so the only mother figure I had now liked women...and was sleeping with a woman in the other room. It felt perverted to me. It was very difficult for me to understand in those days. I remember being so depressed that I told myself if we didnt have dinner I wasnt going to eat the whole next day. I dont remember much after that or even consciously sticking to that mindset except I got to be like a skeleton. I was confronted and accused of being anorexic. I never even heard of it before. I'm 33 now and I wish I could tell you life gets better. Theres good moments. Depression has followed me though. I wish I could be normal too.
S 2 weeks ago
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