I don't want to keep ranting

It's not healthy if I fell down to the same black hole. But how could i not because life have always been giving me the same bs.
Actually i don't know how to talk to people anymore. It's superficial and i've been depressed because family situation. People just said do something abt it like they had no idea how hard it is here when you don't know anyone and you're older than 25 you're out. It's cruel overpopulated country that all of things are expensive if you got min wage and truth most people don't even get that because they live in developed country and the food affordability is good, it's cheap. I mean what's the point of working like shit if you can't even barely to put food in your mouth. It's just insane. I've rant abt this on my tumblr that was because long stroy of cruel men just mocking me off and rip me off. (It's too long the short thing is you work for hour you can cover a day worth of food, but here you work 9 hours and just cover that day food just it) not even healthy food just enough to survive. And people say but other expenses are not as crazy in 3rd world country? says who? Ofc if you have different currency you will see it so cheap but if you look at the real people here how much they got in the same currenty is just insane. Let's say most american get like 2k for month. Here also 2k a month (get rid the three zero after soi can easily compared) (most even less and could be the same outside) but put ut average lowest. There for 4 bucks you got dozen eggs or even lower only 3 bucks. But here 2 bucks of the currency get you one single egg. With the same amount of min wage just different currency and crazy price. A dozen egg is 28 bucks. Idr. Like how it 7 times higher price from developed country. No wonder is the shortest people on earth as the price and the wage never made any sense. And ofc not all people live like this, there are corrupt gov and their family living lavishly but most people are just living like crazy . I mean i wish food price is just like in developed country cause it's so cheap (and people said it's crazy expensive already) people never knew in 3rd world country the price is so expensive compared to what they got in the same currency. Hence its called the food affordability research. The first time i realized this i was so furious and most people think foreign world is so exp here is cheap. Like how. Ofc is exp compared to our currency, our currency for the local price already not making any sense let alone for foreign price.

Also like it's not just food, everything. You can get 10 bucks of a cloth, okay decent. But here a shirt even the shitty ones is min 50 bucks. Like hell. No 10 bucks shirt unless it's used shirt and already not good most of the time and you can get 10 bucks of new shirt. What's wrong with this country. Is the corruption. But ofc the country nearby can even spot it because their min wage is more than here but the gas price is lower. Everything is shitty. Once i realized i can't get back.

Also i was hoping out of deperation to find love outside, because actually i want to change it, i am just feeling stuck (nd because i failed to even erase myself) i need quick and painless way to out but instead now i am sick most of the times due of never ending and non stop stess. It's not that i just want to leech off, ofc if i was out i want to work as even work for menial jobs here with shitty pay there's a lot competition as in overpopulated too many people with not many jobs. Hence people that has business can pay so little that can't even cover any basic necessities.at least in developed country it's guaranteed you can eat if you work.
Yeah not homes though well here is also expensive, like i said one egg's price you double the price in forgein world you got 12 eggs. Like gosh i wish. It's just an example out of many things that the price of min wage is just crazy and not even many people paid that amount is even crazier.

It makes me so sick and feeling stuck. But then sometimes i got jealous like some people find their true genuine people online that love them. I have been waiting for nonsense people it's cruel. I mean if they aren't serious they should have said it from the beginning instead they made me hoping and wait ofc because they take advantage of me. Not in money though in another form and wasting my time

And it makes me so angry about people who fly somewhere to meet up with someone but they're the one who is lying and used the other people. Can people just not being that cruel. Why always serious people like me met the one that is not and vice versa. It's just waste of time and then every interaction has made me become so cynical of people. It sucks.

It truly sucks. Then why don't i find someone locally you might think, well it's long story but i've told you before there's complicated things happened. It's not that easy. I wish it was here everything is restrictive esp if you had born from parents that are very religious then you choose not to anymore. You can't even say that publicly. I don't even know how to put what category this rant cause it's complex as it's not just one topic of problem leading to one big single depression. I don't even believe that depression is just feeling sad. Ofc there's ton shit causes that leads to that chronic feeling of hopelessness

So yeah. It does makes me feel better writing it out but then it comes back again the feeling of dread. After healing from the same bs with different people. I guess no one ever serious to me. He said i am too fckd up for him to care yet he cheated with girls far away he never had intention to make it real. But she wasn't even serious and lied to him. But then i am the liar just because i am always blunt and honest. Desperation and Loneliness is scary. I mean esp if you can't sustain yourself and depend to someone who actually despise you.

I wish there's some skills of me, like i can be virtual assistant but even that i have to know the right people and i only got lies. I mean i was wasting my life due of depression and then it's too late now. Too old when actually in foreign world is not old at all. It's always easy people point mistake they don't understand the real situation, of something. How hard it is esp when there's just too many people and greedy fckd up gov. Let alone adding never supportive people who supposed to care abt you.

Well even there's a job, it's still so hard for many people because i told you the paid is a joke not paying for basic needs to even survive. People are stressed. Become criminals. I wish i am just not this sick and gone away. It feels so lonely because i choose not to believe anymore as it's crime worse than murder. Like how? But cheating and lying corruption is just fine. So much hypocrisy just making my head sick. And too many sickness of your head will eventually fckd up your nervous system and body too.

I wish there's real person for me and not someone that fck me over and over. Actually if you are lonely and needing a friend to talk i can. I mean if you have sinilar situation like mine. Signal me on renti.27
I am open to friendship i was just hating people that aren't serious they said they were. Not that i don't want to talk unless they were serious. But ofc many just talk abt dirty things and i was ok even i don't like it at all as long there is exchange of small food for me (as i am in dire situation, i don't entertain people fantasy for free cause friends talk is not supposed to be like that) it's fair exchange but even that people ripped me off and he was living in developed country had agreed upon the terms and yeah it's so shameful of him doing that. I am still angry abt it.
Let alone all the promises of people want to help me. I do want be able to help myself out of this and stop ranting, helping another people like me. But then it's not the real situation of me. Idk i regret of being always so scared and not able to do anything but i wasn't able to do anything much since forever the perks of having narc controlling parents.
Now i supposed to be able to do everything. Without any exp not eve they let me do things i want to do cause everything is a sin to them.

Having no real marketable skill just because women will just work at home, depending i mean it's good if you find someone who loves you but most of thr time they just seeing you as burden even though stay at home wife doing all the chores too. The system are just so crazy why always like this. But because i got not much choice not even capital to start doing anything for myself, as people has to have that first and i don't even know what to do. It's like they bring out child to justify being horrible and incapable because i was the problem when i don't even asked to be here.

Yesh but that ship has sailed. I mean i can do translation, but again it's hard with so many people competing and i don't even finished and no degree as it's important here,.formality (even it's not guaranteed) also not knowing anyone is just so hard, and because that personal choice not to believe it's already made you a bad person. Gosh i only know bunch of liars that already made my life hell. I am sick being depression and in desperation like this. I wish this can stop

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N Relationships May 11, 2026 at 1:36 am 0 0