Horrible thoughts

I knew a girl.
I always pretended I was being a honest, caring friend to her. She was everything I'm not. I aways said nice things and thought horribly rude things. I always smiled and laughed with her but in my mind I wanted to be far away from her. I judged her in mind. I thought of completely excluding her. I didn't do those things, like act on them. I think I've always cared about her, my actions were just so different from my thoughts. I have no clue why I thought what I thought. She I moved away and I miss her horribly! She was funny (i thought she was annoying), she was extroverted (I thought she was embarrassing) she was so fucking crazy and good and I didn't fucking deserve her and now she's moved and I have her number but it doesn't feel right to text her.
She had shitty friends b4 me and in my mind I judged her for the shit they did while outwardly comforting her.
I'm what no friend should be. She once told me how great she thought I was. I really do miss her. It's been awhile now too, so what could I even say.

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anonymous Friends March 16, 2026 at 12:11 am 1 0