Former friend

So I'm a guy in his early 20s who's on the autism spectrum. I met a girl who I will call Cindy at a summer camp. We had common amenities such as a gym and cafeteria where we would hang out. We both befriended two guys at the gym during basketball games who I will call Rick and Cyber. I used to hang out with Cindy a lot prior to the conflict and she told me she was also on the autism spectrum. I also sometimes sat at their table in the cafeteria with her friends during lunch and I would get along with all of them.

Over the coming weeks I felt increasingly uncomfortable because Cindy kept talking about her boyfriend, how they met, and the occasional pop culture reference, but I shook the feeling off.

The first conflict: one day I saw Cindy and her friends at their table at lunch break so I sat with them. I socialized as usual. Then after lunch ends, she sends the following message: "can you please give me some space when at lunch or the gym, you make the other camp members uncomfortable and when you sit with me uninvited it makes me uncomfortable too. I know you want to make friends but you try too hard and it stresses people out". Then she says "well your problem is you invite youself to places and that's rude". It was my fault for not asking Cindy what exactly the problem was so I could improve but a couple things ticked me off about that statement. She knows full well that I've made friends with the other camp members as evidenced by our common hangouts with other members and the two boys from the gym so I was surprised when she made that preposterous statement. I know not everyone will like me, hell there may be a few campers who don't like me for whatever reason, and not everyone will speak out because they want to be polite, but the majority of the camp members making LITERAL JOKES to me and COMMUNICATING with me (including the people at her lunch table) is a far cry from "making the other campers uncomfortable". I later told Rick all of this, even showed him screenshots of the text messages, and if I really was an asshole then he would have called me out on the spot, which he did not. He even said that I should immediately disregard her statement about "inviting yourself" and I am always welcome to basketball games, and if Cindy tries to stop me from joining then he will intervene on my behalf. Anyway. was also ticked off because it sounded like she was overbearing on my own personal right to access public spaces to meet people as I please, especially when Cindy's other friends are their own people and have no obligation to her. After a bit of back and forth discussing, she says "you didn't do anything wrong, I just needed some moderation. I felt like you were following me and since I messaged you, you did a great job giving me space". One: YEAH RIGHT, after I avoided these public spaces out of shame. And two: yes, it was my fault for not asking how I could make her feel 'less followed', but I don't know what her point is if she puts "you did nothing wrong" and "I feel like you're following me" in the same paragraph. Was I doing nothing wrong or was I really doing something wrong if it resulted in her feeling uncomfortable? I don't know. I relay all this to my Dad and he tells me not to respond, so I don't. This would be the last ever digital communication between us.

I and Cindy continue our friendship, albeit tenuously. God that was a mistake. I should have just blocked her number and told her never to talk with me again. But my dumbass hoped I could get something out of this situation. Anyway. We meet at the gym and go on walks. Which brings me to the second conflict. In the beginning of the walk, we go with Rick. Things seem to go well as we all crack jokes. But then the conflict happens when we approach our housing. We're at a parking lot, Rick turns right to meet his friends. Cindy, following behind him, turns right, and then I, following behind Cindy, turns right. Cindy turns back around to head to the housing blocks, and I follow because I assume Rick was having a private matter with his friends or whatever. Then Cindy turns right again, I follow again, she says under her breath "Is this a joke"? And then says bye rudely.

After that, she doesn't show up to the gym or cafeteria ever again except for a handful of times. I become genuinely worried because even Rick and Cyber don't know why she stopped showing up, and this happened right after our second conflict. At a camp meeting the following day, I sit next to her friend who's sitting next to her and then they both move to another row. The next day, it was another camper's birthday so I jokingly message the camp group chat that he should have a party and invite all of us. Cindy thumbs down reacts the message, then retracts the thumbs down, then 6 hours later thumbs downs the message AGAIN, and then retracts the thumbs down.

The next few days or so were a blur. Rick invited all of us to his place to have a cookout: Cindy, I, and Cyber. I was originally questioning whether to go since the hangout would only be 4 people if I went and I was fearful of having an uncomfortable exchange with Cindy that may or may not go well due to what little of the friendship that was left. I eventually decided not to go per the advice of my dad. I didn't even shower that night. I just laid in bed all night. I was just so out of it.

My dad originally told me to "mildly" avoid Cindy. However, I decided to go No Contact with her instead. Not only was I already pissed about the situation and the sheer impossibility of trying to rekindle things with her, but I also found another group of campers who I felt more welcomed by. They welcomed me to their lunch table and even hung out a few times, and asked many questions about me. I felt like the clouds parted above me. Then I removed Cindy's contact and blocked her number.

Every single person I've spoken to about this dislikes Cindy's actions and has been supportive of me. I'm not claiming I'm perfect and I have my own shit to work on, but holy shit this whole situation had been stressing me out for about a month

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anonymous Friends August 24, 2025 at 8:38 pm 0 0