Day in the Life

So I woke up this morning at 5:30AM I don’t have to be at work until 8AM. I wake up that early because my sister broke my car. I loaned it to her when her car got repossessed for not making her payments. She has two kids and I’m only a 15min drive away from work (10min with no traffic). So I’ve been taking the bus (I’m saving money to buy a new car.) It’s freezing and now neither of us has a car. Anyway as I was walking out the door I saw “OFFICIAL LEGAL NOTICE” addressed to me on a stack of mail, it was 3 “failed to appear at court notices”. So I opened them to see, that my sister had gotten 3 parking tickets in my car, didn’t tell me & didn’t go to court. I have until 2/1/25 to pay $200 total for the tickets or they are putting out a warrant for my arrest. Fabulous, I have to leave the house now or I’ll miss my bus and the buses in NJ come once every hour so I can’t miss the 6:45AM bus. It’s now 6:30 and the bus stop is a 2 1/2 blocks away. I’m 5’4” & weigh 190lbs this is gonna suck. I make it just as the bus is pulling up and he sees me running out of breath and waits for me. (Bless him) I get to my stop at 7:08AM. It takes 15min to walk to my job even if I ran I would only shave off 5 min because I’m fat, which is why I can’t take the 7:45AM bus I would get there at 8:08AM and best case scenario get to work 18 min late everyday. I would get so fired. So I usually wait at this coffee shop close to the bus stop. They drive thru opens at 6AM but the inside opens at 7AM. This morning the doors were locked so walked around and tried the other door both locked I knocked on both doors no answer I called the store no answer. They must have been in the back because they never answered the door. So I spent the next 45 min walking around the plaza waiting for my job to start (nothing else near me is open that early) I finally get to work and ironically enough everyone is sick except for me. So I walked to the CVS a block away on my 30min lunch break to buy cough drops and DayQuil for my friends. Only to come back to over hear someone calling me names. (I’m not exactly “pretty” and I don’t exactly fit in) No one stuck up for me and I’m afraid of confrontation so I just walked in and pretended I didn’t hear. I excused myself to the bathroom and cried for 10min then I finished my day clocked out at 4:30PM and ran for my 4:50PM bus. Then I walked to the grocery store because I needed a few things and as I was checking out someone accused me of stealing made me dump out all my bags and go through all my items and tried to go through my purse. (I said no to the purse because that’s crazy) I would never steal, let alone the only grocery store walking distance from my house. So after that fresh humiliation I cried all the way home. I just want it to end, I’m over it all. It never gets better I just have these brief “commercial break” type moments where I’m optimistic, but life quickly smacks me back to the “regular scheduled program” that is my life. On top of all that when I’m sad my face looks like I’m angry. So I never get sympathy or anything remotely resembling it. My family just tells me to suck it up. And I’ve been doing that, nobody ever sees me cry. But I’m one more bad day away from doing something I’ll regret and the only thing that keeps me going is that I’m autistic and I have ADHD so I forget things very easily. But every time I’m “down” it all comes crashing back down around me like “bad news lightning” in a thunder storm. I’m done, I just want to be done. If you made it this far I’m sorry for being so gloomy, don’t worry about me. I might not be strong but I’ve been through enough that I’m basically an indestructible blob lol. I don’t have anyone to vent to and I don’t have enough money for therapy so I'm just shouting into the void. If your feeling similar to how I feel I hope this makes you feel less alone. You can share my mantra with me “it just a bad day, not a bad life”. Thanx for listening.

---

Mira Other January 14, 2025 at 7:42 pm 3 0