Good thing I saw this before I went to bed. I'll be quick: You sound JUST like me. Alone without attachment while keeping the hard exterior, you let them into your soft soft in your heart only for them to then blow it wide open and you don't even know why or how especially if you never changed. Which then makes it harder to trust people or just stop out of logic altogether. What I will say, again maybe simplistic, especially uncaring and rough, but it needs to be said and not much beating around the bush. Family will give half hearted supposed well meaning advice that's just to get you out of their hair. It's best to not take it because of that, but decisions are yours, sometimes, though a little bit rare, they're correct. Also, thanks to the ghetto I was raised in, I learned in childhood that YOU TRUST NO ONE 100%. Especially your family as they will turn on you and even potentially disown you. Lastly, despite all that, don't wish to go back to being a child. That's retreating into hopelessness from something that can't happen. I also get those feelings, but then I shut them down, as one, it's impossible, and two, being an adult is naturally hard and depressing because of the independence and coldness and especially abuse you'll get from strangers and also hostility and violence. But the big benefit is not only the independence, but also having the freedom to help people out. As in volunteering. Also attending church, not so much to worship, but also to volunteer if they have projects they want the public to help out on. It's those things at least for me that give my life suffering and resulting independence meaning and fulfilled happiness. I would say to you, try not to worry about the materialism that adulthood may be romanticized by, like you can do whatever you want, which is a lie as you'll always be ruled over by someone, and buy all the things you want for yourself, which amplifies selfishness to the point of irrationality and can still cause you to be sad. Evidence, just look at the celebrities and rich kids if you see in the news one of them committed suicide. Just only have enough where you treat money as the tool it is, not vice versa. You should be good then. But I would strongly say volunteerism is the key, if religion you don't practice or really like at all. Well, hope you'll have better times.

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anonymous 1 day ago