Anxiety i think lol

Maybe it’s just school idk. I’ve been feeling on edge like all the time. It hasn’t gone away. It’s been a month. My heart rate is always up. My ears are always ringing. My chest is always tight. And I’m always crying. And it’s always this one bitch of a teacher who starts it. And then I go into a spiral of things after her dumbass comments. Likely she will be in my note. I just needed to get this out bc my anxiety is starting to hurt and I feel like majority of it is just her. It hurts. It hurts so much. Even right now I’m crying as I type this. Will I die if I let myself feel like this for too long? But i’m too scared to reach out for help. If I reach out for help I end up embarrassing myself. It’s either not that serious, I lie to make it not that serious bc I’m too scared to trust someone, or by the time I get help I feel fine again. I know I should see a therapist and I have but I always lie to them. I don’t know what I’m feeling other than anxiety. I can’t identify my emotions. And I end up lying to my therapists because they keep telling me there has to be a reason I’m feeling a specific type of way or doing a specific type of action. I don’t know! I don’t know why I feel or act the way I do! I just do! I hate the why question so much. Attempting suicide is embarrassing too though. I’ll leave someone with trauma and I’ll probably live. My dad should’ve kept it in his pants. I’m so sad. My head hurts. I’m gonna go to sleep. Hope I die in it. Then it’s nobody’s fault and we thank God for taking me because in the words of Christians “it was my time”

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anonymous School March 12, 2025 at 11:43 pm 0 0