anomaly

I had a crush on him for 5 years, shoker considering we never had any form of exchange. its cliche but i was the quiet kid( "why don't you ever talk"- shithead from 3rd grade who still snaps me till date) and he was the popular hot kid. fuck me he was fine asf. deep ocean blue eyes, sculpted face, plump lips, thick brows, firm body, tall and even had an accent. british, a fucking colonizer. jk lol. I knew nothing would come out of it. Always knew it. I couldn't even look him in the eye properly. grew up and realized I knew nothing about him. nothing expect the feeling I have around him. his intense eye contact makes me want to rip my hair out. He's so unreasonable in every way. He's so concerned about everyone, what a fucking nosy bitch. so infuriating because he doesn't seem phased ever around me. I feel like a pathetic rabbit in heat. one day last year, we were in PE playing dodge ball, out of no where somebody come up and harshly grips my arms, a fucking finger brushing agains the crease of my tits and I turn around to see him standing behind me shielding himself from the ball, a grin plastered onto the infuriatingly hot face. fuck him. of course he was just using me for some amusement. nothing will ever phase him but that moment burned in my brain for the rest of the week. I know it was never about him anyway, its me. It's my incapability to love myself that makes me believe that were're worlds apart. but technically we are. he's so rich and I'm scraping by, hoping that I won't turn out to be a dissapointment in my life. I wish for once I was needed, wanted, called upon, seen. It doesn't matter now, I moved away from that city, away from him. I'll never see him again, he didn't even seem phased when I said I was moving. He had a girlfriend by then anyway, petite, blonde and a fucking blue eyed beauty. that is far better than the brown shit that I am anyway. fuck I'll always stand in the shadows with them. I've felt worlds apart from everyone, I hate being the anomaly.

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anonymous Crushes March 14, 2025 at 6:12 pm 2 1