The ABC’s of Redneck Culture v2

The ABC’s of Redneck Culture

Dad GUM!-A Southern euphemism and a non-blasphemous version of “god-damn!”, this two syllable utterance easily flows off of the Redneck tongue. An expression of mild to moderately severe annoyance, the term Dad Gum! is usually followed by: Obama, N-word, LibRuls, ****, Junior (NASCAR) ran into the wall!, dog shit on the porch again, or some other irritating intrusion into a Rednecks reality or perception.

Egg Bowl SEC Football is serious business among Rednecks, and not much is more serious than the annual rivalry game between Ole Miss and Mississippi State, dubbed for some reason the Egg Bowl [well let’s check Wiki]. In the early days, the fans used to pour on the field and beat each other senseless after the game. To prevent such future events, an egg-shaped trophy was created and is awarded to the winner of the game each year. How this prevents drunken Redneck rioting, I have no idea. Only in Mississippi.

Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd– The National Anthem of The South. In the Redneck mind, the greatest classical work ever.

Guns– The bigger the better. The only Civics that the Redneck has even superficial knowledge of is The 2nd Amendment and it is as important as Chuck Norris or Jesus. Heavily armed and deeply paranoid, The Redneck is more likely to shoot himself, a member of his family or one of his many hounds than an intruder, but this Patriot remains ever convinced that President Obama is determined to collect the guns, the very symbol of male endowment. America is the most violent gun culture in the world and these yokels embrace this insanity.

Housing– More often than not, the manufactured type or like Cousins Eddie’s Tenement on Wheels, the Redneck residence leaves something to be desired. What they lack in substance the Redneck Home Sweet Home can make up for it in creativity. These housing Parks are just sitting ducks for inclement weather (See: Tornadoes), but these god-fearing people trust in Jesus to save them and can regularly be seen on local newscasts praising Jesus for sparing them from the tornado that he sent. The logic escapes, but these are the workings of the Redneck mind, further impaired by religious belief.

Incest– A virgin in Arkansas is defined as a gal fast enough to outrun her brother. A rule of thumb for a Progressive Redneck State is one whose high school graduation rate is higher than its incest rate. According to Wiki Answers, Alabama has the highest rate followed by Alaska.

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anonymous Political December 27, 2024 at 12:15 pm 0 0