My fat weird neighbor

My neighbor is a fat weirdo, and I just can't keep it to myself any longer! She has to weigh about 350lb, easily, and is only about 5'2. As far as I can tell, she lives entirely alone, but has an equally as fat-ass dog, a Basset Hound, which she takes literally EVERYWHERE with her, and then has a countless number of ALL BLACK cats that run around her place, all identical. At least seven of them! I have no idea if they are all her pets, or just ferals that come and go because she has a set-up for cats in one of her many creepy, dilapidated metal sheds in her back yard.

I have no idea how old she is, maybe in her late 30's, I can't really tell though. No husband. No kids. Just a dog, and cats. I think she's a devil worshiper, because she mostly wears black shirts with weird cryptic designs, or bizarre occult stuff. She has a lot of pentagrams all over windows, and the few times I've seen her up close, she is wearing the devil star thing. the Baphomet or whatever. She has a face mask she's wearing because of the pandemic, with that symbol on it, and the only decorating she does is around Halloween, and that is one of the rare times she comes out to interact with the neighborhood.

I swear to Christ, all she does is eat, but I don't think she EVER cooks. I never see groceries going in or out. She goes out, constantly for food. She comes back with fast-food or take-out, or always has Doordash and Grubhub at her door and same with her coffee. Which, she will get Starbucks in the day, and late at night, hits up Dutch Bros. She won't even answer her door for delivery food people either, she just has them leave it in on her porch. Which btw, has a broken porch swing, with one side hanging-down off the chain, BUT she will still go sit on the fucking thing anyway and pokes away on a Nintendo Switch at thirty-something years old, or is messaging someone...so she MUST know some people!! It's been like that, as long as I've lived in the neighborhood, and my dad went over there one day and offered to fix the swing, and he said she told him, "I was sleeping though." and then shut the door in his face. This was around 1pm in the afternoon, and that was two years ago. It's still broken, and she doesn't seem to mind. My Dad when she opened the door, the air was smokey from incense, with a few candles burning, and there was a collection of tribal masks all over her wall, with a massive Irish flag above her sofa. Irish Flag? Of all things??? She must be Irish I guess! Just seems, out of place with everything else. He said she had a laptop open, and was watching Interview with the Vampire movie, but that's all he could see, before she basically slam the door shut on him.

Besides getting food, and leaving now and then, it is really the only time I see her come out, but she does leave sometimes very late at night....with her dog. She has a pretty nice black Jeep, which she barely fits into, and loads her Hound up in it and takes off. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours.

I have recently learned that she works in some sort of mortuary. That's what she does for a living. Another neighbor and friend of my Mom, told us that she does "removals" for funeral homes after hours. So basically, her only contact with humans, are deceased ones. And, she apparently takes her Basset Hound to all her removal jobs?? I have no idea, but she NEVER EVER is without that dog, and the times I've seen her leave late at night, she had her dog with her. I don't know how she gets the bodies, because she doesn't have a hearse or van or anything like that, she just ...takes her Jeep, I guess? Puts them in the backseat? I have no clue, and neither did my Mom's friend. All she knew was that she works picking up stiffs and taking them to funeral homes.

So , as if it isn't creepy enough working in a mortuary, she can't even do normal funeral director type work. She has to do the creepiest, weirdest, most grotesque part of it??? Going and collecting a corpse right after it dies??? I can't even....Who does that? I guess someone has to, but I never thought about who did it. I assumed that the ambulance drivers always took care of dead bodies, and delivered them to funeral homes. I didn't know that an actual person, was paid, just to be called and do that?

I don't get what makes a person so unhappy, depressed, and miserable that they would choose to live that way? I don't know if it's because she is fat, that it forced her to be that way since she can't get any friend or date, or if she became fat as a result of being such a bizarre dark person, that she couldn't any friends or a date.

I just know I sit in my room, and can see her, in full view most of the time. Now, that I learned what she does for a living, it really leaves me unsettled and uncomfortable to be right next to her. It bothers me that she has all those storage sheds, because, why? She doesn't do a lick of yard work, and her grass is all dead, her backyard is dug to shit from her dog, and there's dog poop everywhere. So, what the hell could be in those sheds if not yard tools? Her spooky collection of cats will sometimes make their way to our yard, and they will sit and just....stare up at my room for a bit. Then leave.


I wonder sometimes if they are like her witch familiars that I've read about, and going back to tell her secrets about me? She won't look at me, she has never even glanced at me. There has been a few times I said "Hi!'" to her, and nothing back. My Mom's friend isn't really even sure of her name. No one is.

She also never has a light on, that I can see. It seems like she must either sit in the dark, or hang out in her basement? Maybe a back room? Why buy a house with a second story and massive space, if you're just going to cuddle in one small, dark, corner of your home and hide there until you get a death call?

I've lived here two years now, and I guess she's been here for over ten, and no one really knows her that well. She does have one blonde lady that comes by now and then VERY late with a bag of....stuff.
I guess, from what I hear from my Mom's friend, that's her "Mistress", so apparently, she isn't that kink fetlife stuff too, but nothing has been confirmed, and I don't know how my Mom's friend got wind of that, or if it's just hearsay. It's strange though, because this lady looks more like a soccer Mom, and she drives a Red Honda Pilot, so basically a soccer Mom car. She doesn't wear all black, and has smiled and waved at me....but she DOES have that bag with her. So, makes one wonder what that's about. I also have never seen her leave, just know that when I wake up, that Honda is always gone.

She also has some dude that comes by, even more rarely than the blonde chick. I don't know what he is to her, but I think he's a librarian at the local public library. I have gone there a few times and swear I've seen him checking people out, or helping them find books. He doesn't stay ever, that long, and sometimes they leave places together. When they go, that is a rare moment she doesn't take her dog with her. However, I haven't seen him around in several months, so who knows. He doesn't look too off or weird. Wears normal clothes, and drives some kind of orange car.

Other than that, I've never seen anyone over there, that she knows personally. Never any family. Ever.

So, basically, my life consists of no neighbor to my North side and a eerily quiet, vacant house that feels like it's watching you, and the house to my South side, owned by an obese morgue lady, who worships the devil and doesn't even hide it, likes to be spanked, tied-up and whipped, has a following of black cats, to do her bidding, only eats take-out and drinks an inane amount of coffee, is obsessed with Basset Hounds and death, and owns four sheds that have....God only knows what, hidden away in them.

I'm an eighteen year old senior in high school, and I can't wait until I finish High School this year and go off to college WAY out of state. I hope COVID doesn't stall my plans, because I think I am going to start seeing her in my dreams, and I am becoming convinced she's sending her felines out to put curses on me.

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Candy Home August 11, 2020 at 10:15 pm 2 3