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Life sucks

I thought college was the place where you find your people. Everyone told me it will be the best time of my life. So why am I sitting in my dorm room holding back tears so my insane, pathological liar of a roommate doesn't question me? I was so excited to come back to school. I had just started talking to a boy who I was starting to like, and I thought he liked me too. He called me pretty, talented, and amazing. I felt on top of the world. People saw I was happier, and that was after a meh break where I saw none of my friends and got in a car crash. The guy told me he wasn't in the right headspace for a relationship and wanted to be friends, which I was completely fine with. He only recently got out of a relationship recently that did not end well, and I got out of a very toxic relationship 7 months ago. We kept talking and I was so excited to finally hang out with him in person, and yesterday I finally did. I ran into him and his HS friend and we all went to the grocery store. He spent a lot of the time talking to her. Thoughts filled my mind, is he ignoring me, is he awkward, is it my awkwardness, am I thinking too much about it (yes). Then, something triggered me from my previous relationship last night and I did not know what to do, so I messaged him. He said he was busy. And now he stopped responding to my messages. I don't even care about dating him, I just don't want to lose him as a friend. I only have one other friend on campus, since two others transferred out, and most of the time she's with her boyfriend and I don't want to always be a third wheel.
anonymous Other January 17, 2022 at 5:22 pm 0
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If you're not finding your people at college don't worry about it. That doesn't mean you never will. Some people find their people in college, some people find them later on. It's also possible that this particular college just isn't the scene for you. You might want to consider transferring somewhere else if that's a possibility and you're not too far into your program.

I know that doesn't stop the loneliness now though. I wish things were a lot different and a lot easier for you. I know it's hard to believe when you're in this kind of pain but most likely one day soon things will be better and you will feel a lot less depressed. I'm a lot older than you and one thing I have learned is that as bad as things get, and as hopeless as they sometimes seem, the name of the whole damn game is just hanging in there and catching the next good wave. It's simple though it's definitely not easy. There will be a next good wave to catch. So just hang on to your board, try to float and catch your breath. If you are in a location where it's possible for you to go someplace other than your dorm room do that. That sounds like a really toxic situation and even if you can't get out for good right, now just going someplace else for a while could be really restorative.

Take care, friend. There are people who are as eager to know and love you as you are to know and love them.
anonymous 4 months ago
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