I suck and I know it

This is less of a rant and more of a confession; I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and right now I’m so sure that I want to marry him when we finish university. However, we met fresh out of high school and before we met, I’d never went to parties, did rebellious things, had sex etc; basically I was your average goody-too shoes. Now that the honeymoon stage of our relationship is over, I can’t helo but feel disappointed that I can’t go to clubs and dance with strangers or be inappropriate for once in my life. I’m upset that I can’t get that burst of sleeping around out of my system or have the chance to date other people for the experience. Sometimes I think about breaking up with him so that I can do whatever the hell I want, but I also know that if I leave him to be a normal ass young adult, I’ll never get him back. And as much as I feel like I want to flirt and sleep around just to see what it’s kike to be a hoe, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the person I want to spend my life with. I will never cheat on him or act on what I feel like I’m missing out on, but I feel super guilty even just feeling these things sometimes. I know almost everyone has the odd unfaithful thought or idea now and again, but it still feels gross and I just want to put my subconscious aside and allow myself to be happy where I am. I’m not even emotionally cheating for God’s sake; I don’t flirt with other people, I don’t fantasize about anyone in particular, I don’t like or follow inappropriate instagram pages or any of that stuff; these are simply small feelings, more like “what ifs” than anything else. It still sucks and I feel like a shitty girlfriend for it

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Bree Dating December 07, 2018 at 4:40 am 0 2