I've known her longer than most of the people I talk to. She is a genius and so beautiful :) She encouraged me and really, got me into writing and like, I appreciate the hell out of her.
She is gone. My heart isn't broken: we weren't ever that close. She was like, the devil and angel in my head; having an amazing "pretend to be asian"/"British Genius woman" sexcapade while I just sat there talking shit endlessly.
idk. I don't care who I marry or any shit. I'd rather die than stalk anyone. I love everyone but most people are toxic to be around. She was not one of most of you. She IS a golden soul who I am so happy I met.
I am so happy I knew her. We usually met at my worst but she always inspired me. I'm not crying now: i usually cry when I'm really passionate about something beautiful. She popped in and we talked and like, she was motivational even though we barely spoke.
She is a red-hot brand that left a beautiful scar. She is so amazing! She's like Toni from Peep Show. "She is the beautiful poison, my friend." I am so happy I got to know her sort of; 10 times. Never sexually; probably not 10 times. Maybe 5? We met, fought. Stopped talking for a year. WE TALKED AGAIN. rinse wash repeat. She always made me better. She taught me so much! She inspired me and broke my heart :( oh, poor baby with a broken heart.
I am not sad. I know we'll meet again: randomly. Or not. Life goes on but: this woman is so amazing! I don't want anyone but her really; because I know we may never speak again LOL
BUT I don't want anything to do with someone who doesn't want anything to do with me. My future is right here. In my hands. I hope she gets everything EVERYTHING she wants. She deserves anything. She can get it for herself and that is why I respect her so fucking very fucking much. I love her so much!!!
But now I need to work on me. The only thing I've wanted to do for years but my plans turn to dregs. "This job seems like it'll work." God laughs "Fuck you." i didn't belong in those jobs. With the psychos and retards. I found one that is amazing. It lets me do what I need to. 3 days on: 4 days off. and the pay!
I can save up and plan shit. I can work another job! I am free! I am free of the smear of the bloody/shitty smear my corpse made after I was drug back into my family's problems. I am too nice. I'd do it again. but not if I'm in school. Nobody will take that from me. I'd rather regret missing a funeral than HAVING TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, WHEN YOUR GRADES ARE AMAZING for family? They didn't even need me. They just fucked me over. They were weak. It's fine: i don't resent them. Once I start my degree I am free. It is my life. 4 years: and it will be paid for by scholarships. I am a genius. I'm modest but I can say that one thing. I remember so much shit and I am creative. I will succeed unless some illness takes me or I am murdered. I am not hypochondriac or coward
I see me and the world I live in. I analyze everything to DEATH. I don't know everything. I would rather die than assume to; i live to learn. And I will die, or live to fulfill my dreams. I feel pain but it can't stop me. Nothing can stop me: to S.C.I.E.N.C.E OR BUST i don't gamble so I only bust when someone touches my cock. nobody has touched my cock since new years. Oh well: i better forget that thing exists. i'll still hit on somebody on thursday; unless I don't ever see them again. I don't care if I do. I need to focus on what MATTERS TO ME! For a while I need to focus on that. My life. My degree. I don't want others to take my 'talents' roman currency bible shit prodigal son no. They are mine. Fuck yourselves to death. I have what is mine and I will pursue that. I need to do that :( please don't hurt me
anonymousRelationships January 28, 2020 at 1:55 am00