i don t know

So here I am. I feel like crap again. I don't really remember how to get out of this, but I hope it doesn't get as bad as before and that I don't try to kill myself again. I'm really tired and haven't gotten out of bed for a week. I'm still sad in a relationship. He claims to love me. But the word love is overly used now. I don't believe him when he constantly tells me I'm beautiful and funny and nice. I'm not. I'm horrible.

I feel so ungrateful cause he's such a great person, and he ended up with shit like me. I don't really have the energy to write this either, but I need to let it out. I don't have anyone to tell about it anymore. I've drifted from my best friend. I used to tell her fucking everything, and now I don't even get asked how I am. It's a one way effort thing now. I hate myself. I'm so confused and I might just break up with my boyfriend. I'm scared he'll find out too much and think I'm mad. Or maybe I'll go mad and then he'll feel like shit trapped with me. I don't know.

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anonymous Other February 23, 2020 at 3:25 pm 2 0