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i dont think i can do this anymore. i'm trying but i'm just so burnt out and i can't at all. i love my bf very much but my overthinking gets the best of me and i want to stay alone forever cause i'm scared of marriage and being left alone in the future when we decide to stay together, but i want to be with him and love him very much. i can't do my school. it's just too much for me. i don't think i'll even get a job after university. i am not capable fo anything. I am such a disappointment. why do i regret every single choice i make? cant i just for once succeed in life? can i at least do what i want and not have to make any more sacrifices?????? i just wish sometimes if i end it, i'll be fine but it'll put others in pain [not that i'm ppl's fav or anything]. I'm scared of hurting ppl more if i .. and scared of disppointing ppl when i'm here. i honestly dont know what to do with me. i just want to .... give up but i can't. no matter how much i try, i just can't. I'm just so tired of everything and having to bear it all alone. i want to tell my bf all these and he tells me to tell him, but i've been putting up a strong front my whole life. it's hard for me to put it downa dn telling him makes me feel weak and not reliable and i will breakdown if i tell him and i hate ppl seeing me cry. I have no emotions, no affection, nothing. I'm just so ... such a space occupier in this world. anyways, have a great day ppl.
tsubaki Other September 22, 2022 at 9:01 pm 0
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this was me. Everything you said, was me. i have no words except, it gets better. i tried to commit 4 times. i had no emotions. i didnt tell anyone anything. find someone. talk to a therapist if you can. start journaling. i didnt get better until 3 years later when i was checked in to a mental hospital. its scary but it helps. even now, i still think well shit if i had this or if this was different maybe I would be happy or maybe they would understand. i cant tell you how much i understand what your going through, and i cant explain to you or say anything that might change your mind. But you are worth it, your not a space occupier and your not weak. your coming to terms with your emotions and how you feel and labeling them. that is the first step. tell your boyfriend. if he doesnt support you or if he crys or you cry, its okay. i know im a stranger but seriously its worth it. if i could i would help you every second of every day but it seems like you have the strength and courage to find help yourself. please continue breathing and trying your best. your not alone. -mads
madeleine 1 year ago
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