feelings

Little backstory. So basically I liked this guy (lets call him chicken) and talked to him for a little bit this past august, but I wasnt showing him enough attention so he left (which i understand). I never got to apologize to him and he never acknowledged it. I hit him back up because i did and still do like him back in march, and I could tell we were still on good terms, he just didnt like me anymore (or atleast i think so). Anyways, after i decided to give up talking to him. I met this other guy (lets call him waffle), and we have been dating for 6 months now. once i started dating waffle i didnt talk to chicken, i kinda forgot he existed. Until i saw him again in real life and i couldnt stop thinking about him from that point forward. I still do, but i know that i ruined my chances the first time. So now to the current delima. I recently went on a trip with my sports team (of which chicken was apart of), and when i saw him again i got curious. Well... i decided to look up his username on instagram (when you search up peoples username it shows in your search history). Waffle was already concerned and worried that i would cheat on him, and so he was a little paranoid about chicken. So he asked for me to show all my messages and search history, and he saw chickens username there. and he basically asked me why he was there. I didnt know how to tell waffle that i actually still like chicken, and that i wouldve honestly liked to be friends with him, because i knew waffle wouldnt accept it, and he would have broken up with me for that. So (and i know this is wrong) I bended the truth and said that chicken was talking about me and looking at me (now this is true, he was looking at me, because even my friends said it was obvious, and at a practice i got news that he was sharing pictures of me and talking inappropriatelty). Now yes, the fact that he was talking inappropriately, but thats not the reason i searched up his profile. I kind of disgarded the fact that he was talking about me, and i really just wanted to check how he was doing (thats all). I secretly want to know if hes still angry at me for treating him like that. Once waffle knew that, naturally he was like "i dont want my girlfriend to be upset, im going to confront him" so he dmes chicken on instagram and confronts him, they get into an arguement, start threating each other, the whole shibang. chicken text me and is like "why is this happening" and i got so scared that i just basically told him that this conversation was over. So later in the day at a team outing. Chicken is telling everyone there... like everyone was hudled in a circle looking at the dm's and is like "shes really weird" "she ordered a hit on him" and i didnt. so i talked to chicken to clear everything up and he said he understands. But i feel like things are still not good between us, and i kinda want to talk to him in private to apologize for everything (including the way i treated him). However, I know if i text him waffle will freak out and probably break up with me for "talking to my ex". I love my boyfriend and i know he does the world for me, so i dont know if i should save him the trouble and just leave, because i know this is not the way he should be treated. :(((( I can't hide the fact that I want to apologize to chicken and tell him everything. I dont even think i like chicken anymore, i just want to be friends, but being friends with your ex isn't okay, so i cant. Please, anyone have advice? I know im in the wrong here but i dont know what i should do. (should i talk to chicken, should i just forget about it, should i break up with waffle?)

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anonymous Crushes August 05, 2022 at 9:54 pm 1 0