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[61854] My friend

When I started being pen pals with Arielle, I became obsessed with her. I couldn't stop thinking about her all the time and I felt her presence. It was overwhelming. I felt possessed. I couldn't handle it. I felt like she had taken over my life. I had to check my email repeatedly. I had to do it. I could not wait to see. I felt like I was holding myself back if I tried to resist and that made me feel guilty. It was wrong, in my mind to keep myself from checking those emails, even though when I did check them, I felt drained and exhausted. I felt trapped and like I couldn't escape. I wanted my space. I wanted my freedom from her. I wanted relief. I feel that a lot in my obsessions with certain intense types of people. Enslaved to giving them my obsession and care. I felt like I shouldn't be abandoning her like that. She was my friend. I shouldn't abandon my friend like that. I felt like such an asshole for doing that. I couldn't fucking live with myself doing that to her. In terms of my tarot card addiction, I was afraid of not checking them. Like what would happen if I didn't know what the cards were trying to tell me? I needed to know the truth before something bad would happen to me. I'd get very anxious and very uncomfortable when I didn't check my cards. I felt horrible. I felt irritable. It was like out of control not knowing what the cards would tell me.

Posted 2 days ago

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