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[61368] Nothing Helps

My husband worked for more than ten years at a huge computer company, and he Hated. Every. Moment. They used to cut everyone's pay every few months and then bring them ice cream to try to cheer them up. He even went through a few rounds of "layoffs, no come back we changed our minds, nope we're eliminating the whole department" sessions, and then he finally decided he was never coming back.

He has NO idea what he wants to do with his life now. He's worked part-time at another electronics company and decided that was even worse than the first place, and finally settled for a job that pays slightly above minimum wage working with animals. It's labor-intensive, and he has to get up really early for the commute every day (he's NOT a morning person), so he's always exhausted. But he sticks with it because at least he doesn't hate this like he's hated every job he's had before.

I could deal with the fact that he's always tired. I could cover all our bills on my own, so the low-paying part isn't a problem. But he's STILL miserable, all the time. He's decided the whole universe is against him, that he's not allowed to have anything good to happen to him. He feels like he's just going to be unhappy and unlucky forever and nothing will ever get better.

Nothing I do ever makes a difference. Nothing I say ever convinces him that he's a good person and I love him. I thank God we never had children because I don't know if I could deal with this AND pay most of our bills AND raise children. He doesn't drink (family members with a problem, so he never started) but I think I'm drinking more than I should because it feels better to cheer myself with some bourbon than it does to do one more cheerleading session that never has any effect.

I don't know what to do. My husband is the only person I've ever even dated; I don't know what it's like to live alone, but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who'll never be happy no matter what I do. Cutting him loose would hurt him more than anything he's gone through before, but living with someone who's never happy feels like it's bleeding me dry.

Posted 1 week ago

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  • Okay I am someone who has a family who are attracted to Drama just like you. It is a normal thing in my family I kid you not my brothers girlfriend who is pregnant got electrocuted today just 10 minutes ago.... now I may sound cold but when this kind of thing happens everyday there is a time when you are just sick of the drama and intolerant. I believe you are approaching this stage. I would advise you to tell him an example in your own life perhaps but in my life this is how I see it. My grandfather came from Europe and he had nothing when he arrived to Australia. My Grandfather became moderately wealthy but than when he died there were death taxes putting his estate in debt meaning my father, my grandmother and my 4 aunts were left with no breadwinner, debts to pay, my aunt had to travel an hour and a half to live in a nearby town away from her family to support them, my father had to drop out of school to work their farms at 14 or 15 years of age while studying by correspondence for a year or two. My Father than went on to become a member of Parliament, the Chairman of a 100 million dollar Sugar Corporation, owner of approx. 10 million in property until recently when his businesses went bust, he has no money other than his pension, my older brother is no longer employed in the business, our family can't rely on our parents for assistance.... what I am trying to say is we are back where we began but I am studying a MBA at University and I will likely have a strong future... Life is a continuum and really life is no different now to 100 years ago. Good times will come again if you are persistent and patient, if you realise success if about repeated excellence, excellence is not a virtue but an act so if you make bad turns in your life they can be fixed and if you are successful that can be ruined in one swipe... I got over my parents dramatic loss of money, the daily dramas which have followed since because I acknowledge this and I wish my siblings would too. I realise it is not easy to say this to family who are often stubborn but I think if you want a solution this is really the logical choice. This is their path to change and that is important. Create a path to change so they feel they can take control of their lives, they are frustrated with the unknown and lack direction if you can help them figure out where they need to go things will improve. I don't think you need marriage counseling because if you can create a path to success your problems will no longer be playing on his mind and yours. Also I would hope you voted for Trump for this exact reason because he is the only politician trying to protect people like yourself who just want a future of happiness and peace. His opponents backed by George Soros want Chaos to profit from the misery of people like you. Soros openly admits he enjoys breakdown of society because he buys commodities for cheap and the prives rise before dropping to nothing when things collapse and lives are ruined of people like yourselves.
    Posted 1 week agoReport
  • Your husband probably developed trauma from working at a shitty job for such a long time. He's probably depressed and anxious, and he needs some help. You can't make him better - all you can do is be supportive while he works to make himself better.

    You could offer ultimatums, such as separating if he doesn't seek therapy for his problems because his depression is dragging you down too. It might hurt him to hear that, but it's really a kindness. You can't be an endless source of emotional stability for him, because it's going to make you sick. He needs to do it for himself.
    Posted 1 week agoReport

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